Autographed Letter Signed

A Mostly Center-Right Place For Those With Irritable Obama Syndrome and Diversity Fatigue

When Harry Met Salad: Afrocity Encounters The Organic Police April 27, 2010

The flowering of the organic produce culture during the 1990′s never quite spread to my stomach or the dwindling funds available in my pocket book.  I have nothing against organic produce.  I just do not buy it on the regular basis.

I have great respect for our society’s heightened awareness concerning the dangers of pesticides and other toxins used in the farming industry. However, I don’t lose any sleep over eating a “conventional” non-organic anjou pear.

Do I care about my diet?

Am I concerned with what goes into my body?  Yes, of course I am. Truthfully,  I am more worried about my salt intake and sugary food consumption than I am about the pesticide levels in my ginger beer.

For the purposes of full disclosure, recently I have not been happy with my choice of diet.  I eat a lot of Kettle Brand Sea Salt and Vinegar potato chips.  Burgers and fries make my menu when I can’t afford the time to make a real meal. Pizza on Friday nights. Ice cream, cake, lots of carbs. I work and I get too lazy to cook. The microwave is my saving grace when I pop in a Stoufer’s Swedish Meatball frozen meal.

I should eat healthier meals, get more grains and fiber in my diet -drink more water.  There are times when I actually do decide to work on my eating habits.   This past Sunday was one of those times.

I had just made a stop to my local Blockbuster Video and rented Crazy Heart and The Lovely Bones.   The Whole Foods store was a hop skip and a jump around the corner from Blockbusters. I thought I would pick up something good for my body.  Yesm the Kettle chips were there but I would also get salad fixings, some fiber filled smoothie juices, maybe some smoked salmon.

Brevity marks my strategy to sane, calm, uneventful visits to Whole Foods Market.  Let’s face it.  Whole Foods is a liberal’s haven. Hemp muffins, organic cat food, Obama sweat pants, white guys with dreds…Peace, love and liberalism. Afrocity gets a rash when she is in the place for too long.  I hit the automatic door, breeze past the floral section, make a bee line for the Naked juice section.

Round the corner past the seafood counter and stock boy who smells like cumin and gluten free cookies, pick up a can of Wellness cat food just in case I am too busy to make it to my regular pet store.

As I near the counter, I grab an evil salt and grease bag of Kettle sea salt chips.  Then presto, I am out of there like a happy tea partier.

That is usually how it works. ..How it was supposed to work until Sunday April 25th. This one particular cold rainy Chicago day was full of monkey wrenches. My visit to Whole Foods was one of them.

Everything was proceeding as planned.  I got my Naked Juice it was on sale for $4.99.   I decided that I needed more fiber. Salads are fun and I could throw in some avocados. Hmmm think I will get some pre-packaged salad and this is where things went terribly wrong for me.

AFROCITY: [Stands looking at refrigerated salad selections.  Organic choices, arugula (ugh), Boston Lettuce. Notes that the same bag of Fresh Express pre-cut salad is a whole dollar cheaper at other Chicago markets.  Does not really want to pay $3.99 for a bag of salad...Maybe wants spinach but would like something with crunch like iceberg.  Sees a bag that costs $2.49 on high shelf .  Notices a Whole Foods employee with long dreds wearing a do-rag,  stocking bags of salad. Decides to ask him help her get bag of iceberg lettuce  salad because she is too short and his cart of boxes is in her way]  Excuse, me could you reach that for me? [Points to bag of salad]

PRODUCE GUY:   Sure. [He reaches for bag of salad, hands to Afrocity]

AFROCITY:   Thank you. [Takes bag of salad.  Notices that it is smaller than it appeared on the shelf.  Sees that it is organic and realizes why it was $2.49 for a smaller portion.   Stands there holding bag of organic salad. Feels like it is not a good bargain.  Could use some spinach anyway.  Hmmmmm...Sigh...Well Fresh Express is $3.99 but it is a bigger bag and has more varieties like 50/50 (half iceberg/half spinach)...Okay will go with the Fresh Express...Now what to do with this bag of salad that I won't buy.  Leave it here on top of the bananas?  Will just ask nice produce guy to put salad back]

Can you put this back for me? I have decided that I do not want it. [hands bag of salad back to produce man]

PRODUCE GUY: [looking puzzled takes bag of salad and places it back on shelf]

AFROCITY: [Turns and grabs bag of Fresh Express 50/50 drops in basket turns to leave]

PRODUCE GUY: Oh, no. Wrong move. You put back the organic.

AFROCITY: [startled] Excuse me?

PRODUCE GUY:   You just traded that bag of organic salad for a bag that is filled with toxins

AFROCITY:   …um…yes I know [and don't care] I know.

PRODUCE GUY: Organic is better for your body that was a wrong move.

AFROCITY: [shugs shoulders]

Yeah, yeah [tries to walk away, realizes that produce guy has come to stand in front of her]

PRODUCE GUY:  [looking manic while pointing to bag of salad in Afrocity's basket]  Do you know what they do to that salad…They wash it with chemicals-

AFROCITY [irritated] I KNOW okay. [brushes by produce guy]

PRODUCE GUY: That goes into your body and builds up over time-

AFROCITY:   [pissed off and feeling judged] Look, I am an adult. I do not drink or smoke. I have never taken drugs in my entire life if I want to eat-

PRODUCE GUY:   No! That does not matter. It is not about not smoking or drinking. The toxins build up in your body from eating inorganic and your not smoking is not doing you any good if you continue to poison your system with non-organic products-

AFROCITY:   [abruptly walks away knowing this guy obviously has control issues and is some sort of organic junkie freak-a-zoid. rolls eyes. Disperse immediately. Moonbat alert ]

Immediately after this rude encounter, there was little I could do to contain my disgust.   I stomped to the snack aisle and grabbed my Kettle chips, slammed them into my basket. Checked out in a huff.  How dare he lecture me? It is really not any of his business what I put into my body.  I bet he is a liberal and I bet he is pro-choice. How would he feel if a pro-lifer was outside of Planned Parenthood telling women “Don’t go in there. Do you know what that will do to your body?”

If I want to eat conventional, non-organic ginger root that is my damn business and I do not need employees of grocery stores looking down their noses at me. I mean WTF is happening to this country?   The entire exchange reminded me of the Sylvester Stalone movie Demolition Man (1993).  Stalone  plays a policeman that is cryogenically frozen in the year 1996 and reawakens to face crime and a new world in the year 2032.   One of my favorite scenes in the movie involves Stalone and Sandra Bullock who is his partner.   In this YouTube clip at about 4:46, Stalone is at a dinner and wants salt on his meal. Bullock explains to him that salt is not illegal.

In 1993 when I first saw this movie, I really did not believe that our society would ever come to this.  Now I am no longer so certain.  We have sin tax on everything from bottled water to candy bars. You get taxed for tanning.  New York wants to ban salt.  Whole Foods baggers look at you like you are Hitler’s hairstylist if you request a paper bag. Of course you are a total ugly wasteful American if you do not bring your own bags to the grocery store.  So what now?  You can’t pick up a harmless bag of conventional salad without a pap smear invasive lecture from some produce guy?

Liberals are all about choice when it comes to abortion but what about everything else? They tell us that we should not have guns.  We should not be allowed to pray in school, unless you are of course Middle Eastern or some other non-American then it is kewl to let you openly observe your religion.  You can’t be a Tea Partier without being a racist.  You must get government health care. You must pay taxes.

Where has the choice gone? To the dogs? Or should I say jackasses?

Compromised organic lifehood was my judgment.  Guilty as charged. Velcro some scarlet letter on my chest.  But I am Afrocity and Afrocity does not go down without a fight.  This morning I called Whole Foods and asked to speak with a manager. I explained the incident to her and she was quite thoughtful. She agreed that the produce man’s behavior was inappropriate.  I further pressed the issue by saying if Whole Foods feels that conventional produce is bad for its customers then they should not be selling it. The manager agreed and felt it was wrong for the employee to “bad mouth” a product that was sold in its store. She fully understood my humiliation and apologized.

I appreciated her response and felt satisfied with the outcome of my complaint.

The moral of this true incident is simple.  It is not the place of anyone to decide what we should and should not consume, especially the Federal Government.  Regulation of drugs, tobacco, and pesticides is one thing but when the government begins to micromanage our food choices, America loses that freedom and liberty luster that makes it shine. If I want salt on my chocolate cake and my blood pressure is as high as a kite that is my business.  Food, like sexual partners, is a lifestyle choice. Some eat healthier than others.  Some women like other women. It is your business what you do with your life as long as you are not hurting other people.  We do not need whistler blowers coming up with a blacklist of people who eat non-organic produce anymore than we need a list of women considering abortions.

Now let There Be Peas and Choice on Earth!!!

Autographed Letter Signed,

AFROCITY

 

Liberal Moonbats Bite The Hand That Feeds Them August 19, 2009

Ah, don't you just love the smell of mango salsa marinated fish fillets, and liberalism

Ah, don't you just love the smell of mango salsa encrusted fish fillets, and liberalism?

(Salutes Comrades)

There is much to be wary of in the Odwalla carrot orange juice lately. Moonbats have become restless and are now attacking their most vital food orgasms. Whole Payche- I mean Whole Food’s

Whole foodsThe Washington Post

Whole Foods Devotees Lash Out at CEO

Customers, Angry Over His Health-Care Views, Share Feelings of Betrayal on Web

Washington Post Staff Writer
Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Whole Foods aficionados who assumed the company’s management was as crunchy as the brand are feeling betrayed.

They have stormed Twitter, Facebook and the blogosphere to vent their rage at John Mackey, the chief executive. In an op-ed column in the Wall Street Journal last week, he argued for health-care savings accounts and declared that health care is not an intrinsic right– ideas with a conservative bent, which made Whole Foods’ liberal customer base go ballistic.

They are even talking about a boycott. And who knows? Maybe some will have to rethink shopping at Wal-Mart. Unions once attacked the retailer’s labor and benefits policies, but Wal-Mart has become the nation’s largest purveyor of organic products and recently espoused a position on health-care reform that is widely considered progressive.

What’s wrong with this picture?

“A lot of people have been paying a premium for the Whole Foods brand for years,” said Mark Rosenthal, a playwright living in Massachusetts who founded the Boycott Whole Foods group a few days ago. It has nearly 14,000 members. “A lot of people are sad to look at this corporation and see that it is just like any other, if not worse.”

Whole Foods spokeswoman Libba Letton said that Mackey was expressing personal opinions in the op-ed and that the company has no official position on the issue. Whole Foods has sent letters to customers apologizing for any offense and created a forum on its Web site to discuss the issue.

The angry Whole Foods backlash has also sent a stream of video hatred directed at CEO John Mackey (Warning: you will need a shower and moonbat rabies shot after watching the following footage)

I have a tip...Don't shop there.

I have a tip...Don't shop there. Take the money you would spend there on organic paper products and pay for some poor woman's mammogram.

If they boycott, where will the moonbats shop for edamame and soy based yacht cleaning products? And what do they hope to accomplish? A message that boycotting is a way to hush up anyone such as Mr. Mackey who has an opinion that differs from your own? Perhaps at this moment in history when public dissent of health care reform is framed by liberals around a series of accusations alleging racism, anti-Semitism and any other term that makes one sound like a plain ol’ flea harboring bigot named Bubba, it is inevitable that the rabid  moonbats – would turn on one of their own.  Much slippage in the aisles is going on in the liberal camp, if you get my drift.

Oh BTW and I have used the term Obamacare, so I am officially far, far, far, far to the right.  I was just saying to my possum Wilbur that it sho’ is mighty fine weather we been havin’ up yonder in Chee-caw-go. I think in a short spell, I will take me a walk up to that thare Whole Foods an git me some sasafrass bark and hemp granola.

Autographed Letter Signed,

Afrocity (hiccup)

 

Saturday Toons: Green Insanity and the Fiendish Plot of Doctor Chu May 30, 2009

hell and basket

At this precise moment in history a fog of confusion has settled over everything concerning energy and our environment . The issues and ethical concerns are difficult for me to navigate. I am lost and confused. Can you tell me how to get… how to get to “Sanity Street”???

I always “try ” and I use that term loosely, to be conscious of ways to help the environment. I will not go into the financial specifics of my contributions to our planet’s green wellness, but I recycle bags, and place trash into to proper bins when one is available. I have energy efficient appliances. I turn lights on only when necessary which is easy at times because I prefer candle light to lamps.

At the threshold of environmental awareness, I was a preteen.  Eight pack “no deposit, no return” soda pop bottles morphed into plastic liters. My mother was ticked off because she missed the old nice cold hour glass shaped bottle of Coke. She was even more annoyed that her brown paper grocery bags had gone all plastic on her. How much these new developments actually helped the environment was not a concern to me. All I knew was that the plastic bottles were more convenient and lighter to carry. I didn’t have to worry about breaking them.  I could use the plastic bags later for dog poop and cleaning out the litter box.  Those bags help when your Maine Coon cat leaves a clump of Texas sized litter waste for you.

During the mid-1990′s, my dates would often take me to those cool IMAX movies at the Natural History Museum. The films wear aesthetically stimulating but they had a definite agenda. My first IMAX film was something about the rainforests and the general uncertainties surrounding increased human intrusion. After viewing such beautiful trees and exotic animals, I began to modestly contribute $5 taken directly from my student bank account once a month to save our rainforests. Okay, so there was a guy from Greenpeace waiting for suckers like me to exit the theater but  I was doing something and this made me feel better about myself. Gone were my cans of hairspray and air freshener. I was in the loop and fluorocarbons were hazardous to wildlife. Mother was still old fashioned and used Right Guard deodorant aerosol formula!!! How could she? Poor, sad  environmentally ignorant mom.  As a child all she ever had to worry about was an atomic bomb.

I do give her “props” for making me give up all that strawberry flavored Quick milk after the 1970′s RED DYE # 2  scare.quick

Speaking of healthy environmentally helpful food, shopping at Whole Foods was the also the hip and right thing to do. So what if it killed my checking account? No I am not a vegan or allergic to gluten. I don’t have celiac disease  or lactose intolerance but I was supporting some farmer in Duchess County by purchasing those purple potatoes. While living in NYC, Saturday afternoons sometimes meant shopping the farmers market in Union Square. Well truthfully, I did not go there specifically for the green market…There was a Sephora nearby and a Filene’s Basement one thing led to another and there I was buying a jar of clover leaf honey from some guy with overalls and rotten teeth. Those yellow tomatoes and honey would find their way to my crisper bin, where they would often spoil before I got around to using them or be tossed out when I moved. Who cares if I wasted $24.00?  I was the perfect environmentally concerned liberal who did not vote in the 2004 election.

fool aid
That was then, this is now.

Now I am lucky if I remember to buy those funny looking light bulbs. My building is a luxury high-rise with ONE trash chute to dispose everything: cans, bottles, cardboard boxes, used diapers. Where it all goes nobody knows and I don’t think my neighbors care.

Though I still “try” every now and then to don my do-rag and get green, I am admittedly a failure. I own a very huge burlap plastic lined bag that says: RECYCLE, TO SAVE OUR BIRDS, ANIMALS, CHILDREN AND EARTH. Yet I never seem to get my green act together enough to have it handy when I am buying groceries as most of my shopping is done impromptu and under extreme digestible duress.

Once I am actually  in the store and I see the goody two shoes green moonbats bagging their own organic chard and Tom’s toothpaste, do I smack myself upside the forehead “Shit, I forgot to bring the damn reusable bag that I paid $37 for at some third world novelty store in Madison, Wisconsin. The bottom line is I am a very passive environmentalist, if I remember to help, I do. If I don’t (shrug shoulders), oh well. Nevermind the woman behind me in line snuffing her nose at me because I forgot my bags and quietly choose paper. You know the type, she makes her own dog food for her Cavalier King Charles Spaniel who is also a vegetarian, just like his mommy. Her basket is filled to the brim with environmentally correct food. Not one boneless split chicken breast  in her cart has been exposed to fluorescent light. Those applewood maple sausages were made all by hand in Lancaster Country, PA.   By blind Amish people. Give me a break lady. Can’t you see I have bought some acai berries and Wolfgang Puck vegetable broth. I don’t have my reusable bag. It is at home damn it. I was well intentioned when I bought it, so there! I will take my brown toilet paper and leave knowing that I made a damn good effort to be green.

shittle

My confession today makes Secretary of Energy Dr. Steven Chu recent advice to paint our rooftops white all the more laughable to someone like myself can’t even manage to bring a reusable tote to Whole Foods. As you can expect there are others who feel the same sense of indifference that I do.

This article by Rich Galen at Townhall.com gave a great answer to Dr.ChU:

On February 10, 2003 – five months after the 9/11 attacks, but while we were still reeling from the anthrax attacks – the Department of Homeland Security sent out a press release which included the following:

How To Prepare For a Biological Attack

Assemble a disaster supply kit, including:

- Battery-powered commercial radio with extra batteries

- Non-perishable food and drinking water

- Roll of duct tape and scissors

- Plastic for doors, windows, and vents for the room in which you will shelter in place.

To save time during an emergency, sheeting should be pre-measured and cut for each opening.

- First aid kit

- Sanitation supplies, including soap, water and bleach

You may remember that point three – a roll of duct tape and scissors – was greeted with generalized hilarity, scorn, contempt, distain [sic], and ridicule to mention but a few of the reactions among the very members of the press corps who were scared you-know-what-less about being the next recipient of a letter in the city room which puffed white powder when opened.

The other day, the current Secretary of Energy Dr. Steven Chu was speaking at the “St James’s Palace Nobel Laureate Symposium” in London which, if it is not the most pretentiously named meeting on the planet, it must be among the top five, told his laureateal colleagues that we should paint much of the world white to reflect heat back up into space and, thus, cure global warming.

I am not making this up. Ok. I made up the word “laureateal” but the rest of this is true. From the London Times:

Building regulations should insist that all flat roofs were painted white, and visible tilted roofs could be painted with “cool-coloured” paints that looked normal, but which absorbed much less heat than conventional dark surfaces. Roads could be lightened to a concrete colour so they would not dazzle drivers in bright sunlight.

See? It’s not as stupid as it first seems. Neither was the suggestion that you pick a room in your house you could seal off against anthrax, or pneumonic plague, or smallpox as dumb as the popular press made it seem.

The difference? The duct tape suggestion came from appointees in the administration of George W. Bush. The paint-it-white idea was suggested by an acolyte of B*A*R*A*C*K O*B*A*M*A so it is, by definition, good.


Yeah I do remember those first post 9/11 years:

Cavity

But does this sound any much better?


Hmmm, Painting our rooftops white. I agree with Rich Galen that there may be some semblance of sanity and logic in the idea. I know the liberal position would be to embrace this with open moonbat wings. I could take the easy route and say I am a Republican, therefore I am against it. Instead I will be honest. I think most will be too darn lazy to crawl on their roof to do this. Also what happens when someone comes along later and says that painting our rooftops white is not environmentally safe? You know they will. Weren’t the plastic grocery bags at one time thought to be good for us?

Dr. Chu, I am not mocking you. I sincerely understand your concern but I have too many greater things to worry about. Like what the hell is happening to the children in America? Why do we care about people like “Octomom” and John and Kate Plus Eight? Why are liberal celebrities adopting children from foreign lands instead of adopting any of the thousands of kids in the American foster care system?

renee-zellweger-candyMany of those kids are even MINORITIES. If it is so cool to be white and adopt a dark skinned child from another country, why not try adopting a child of color from your own country for a change? Plenty of African American and Latino children are in foster care homes waiting for someone like Madonna and Angelina Jolie to adopt them.  Madonna put down your Marc Jacobs custom made leather handbag and pick up a phone to call Adopt US Kids You could also channel your inner green monster and donate money to create jobs for our troubled teens by having them paint rooftops white? That is not a bad idea you know.

Now which way was that to Sanity Street?

Bad parent 3

Autographed Letter Signed,

AFROCITY

 

 
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