Autographed Letter Signed

A Mostly Center-Right Place For Those With Irritable Obama Syndrome and Diversity Fatigue

The Party is Never Over if the Elephant is Still In the Room May 3, 2009

1877 Cartoon by Thomas Nast "Another such victory and I am done."

1877 Cartoon by Thomas Nast "Another such victory and I am done."

“The Republicans are dead! The Republicans are dead! Stick a fork in..It’s done!” declares the pundits. They are certain that there has been a ship wreck.  Wounded soldiers buried under piles of rock and wood. You can still hear a few guttural sounds emitting. “Rebuild!!”  they say.  Cameras are flashing from the drive by media.  Curious onlookers stop to examine the battlefield of what seems like the political fatality of the century (so far).

Aw, leave the poor thing alone. Obama won. He can stop campaigning now and you can end the blame games and gloating. It has been more than 100 days since Barry rode a donkey into town, passing out palm leaves to his adoring fans. We get the idea. Shouldn’t you be out and about striving for social utopia someplace?

Unsurprisingly, the quasi journalistic  buffoons at the Huffington Post jump in on the “GOP is dead” frenzy:

Friday Talking Points [75] — Monster Raving Loony Party
Chris Weigant
Posted May 1, 2009 | 09:19 PM (EST)

…we must (sadly) turn our eyes to the Republican Party. Because they appear to be losing all touch with reality, so it’s best to keep an eye on them at this point. For starters, they are calling a special Republican National Committee meeting in the next month to vote on (as if they could) forcing their opposition to change their name to what is variously described as the “Socialist Democratic Party” or the “Democratic Socialist Party” (as well as variations where they intentionally leave out the “-ic” just to twist the knife).

I’m serious — you just can’t make this stuff up. The most pressing thing to the GOP right now is throwing a tantrum. No wonder the public is leaving their party in droves.

During this party meeting, in addition to the all-important issue of having a meaningless vote on a rightwinger’s wet dream, they are also going to have a return of their party leadership battle, as the faction that lost attempts to take away the power of the purse from chairman Michael Steele. While unified in their hatred of all things Democratic, they are going to show some more party unity… by refighting a factional power struggle.

Steele, meanwhile, just agreed with a caller on a radio show that Barack Obama is a “magic Negro.” Again, you just can’t make this stuff up. Steele, if you’ve been in a coma for a few months, is African-American himself.”

No really? You don’t say? Michael Steele is a black man? You are right Huff Poop, you really can’t make this up.

Be careful!!! Wait I think the elephant just moved. It did so wearily but from the sight of the media folk skittering like roaches to convince everyone that they just bagged an elephant, that the Republicans are immobilized for 8 years, one may suspect that there is an underlying reason for their redundancy.   I wonder.

Elephants have always been interesting to me. Not the Dumbo Disney kind but the real life elephant. It was the strength and size of an elephant that made them endearing to me then and now.

A childhood trip to Lincoln Park Zoo was never complete without cotton candy and a swing by the elephant house. If we were lucky with timing, the zoo keeper would allow us to touch one. Kids crowded around the tree and I would always scurry up towards the front of the group and press my fingers into the elephant’s thick skin looking strait up- way up at its ears. Of course ,I had to whine and beg in order for mom to purchase something for me from the zoo gift shop. After all I had to commemorate my brave act of touching an elephant. Later that night when mother was folding laundry, I was too busy reading a book of interesting elephant facts to help her. It was her fault. She should not have bought me the book.

Did you know?

The gestation period of an elephant is 22 months. That is over 620 days!!!

Elephants sleep standing up

They are fascinated with the dead bones of other elephants, it is rumored that they have burial grounds

Elephants are very social. They like to snuggle

Elephants demonstrate concern for members of their families they take care of weak or injured members and appear to grieve over a dead companion.

They can run 24 MPH.

The elephant is a highly intelligent animal and has a complex social structure.

They cool off by fanning their ears.

They drop about 80 pounds of solid waste every 24 hours.

They eat grass and tree bark.


I remained virtually untouched by political life until I was about seven. Jimmy Carter was running for office and my teacher would have ABC News on during class. She promised that it was an “educational experience”, which was not too much of a stretch (until she turned on All My Children).

It was Jimmy Carter against President Gerald Ford. I knew that Ford was the “bad guy” and Carter was the “good guy”. It must have been true because my mother told me so. Ford was bad because he was Nixon’s friend. Nixon got fired because he lied and was a crook. Nixon was also bad because Sesame Street and cartoons were preempted by the Watergate coverage.  See? Got it Mom!!!

All my child prodigy like political genius aside, I was still a bit too young to grasp what a political party actually meant to my family at the time. I could see a split screen of the two men. Jimmy Carter had a donkey next to his face and President Ford had an…an…elephant!!!  Hey that elephant is cuter than that donkey.

I should have thought first but the words just jumped from my mouth “I like Ford!!!” Yeah I was kind of loud about it too. “I want Ford to win.”

The fact that I was a child was immaterial to my teacher. She didn’t know that I could not diss the elephant.  “Go sit in the hot seat!!!!” she said,  pointing to the group of chairs facing the wall. That usually meant I was getting an ass whooping later. I hated Catholic school.

About 12 licks with a wooden 2×4 and 100 lines of “I will not shout in class” later,  that day became a Polaroid in my head. The guys with the elephant symbol were bad and I should stay away. Always go for the donkey. I would miss liking their thick skin, largeness. How majestic they looked when they grazed and endured the wild. However everything must succumb to reality served up with a 2×4.

I cheered with my mother when the donkey won. I cursed at Dan Rather with her when the elephant won in 1980. “Times will be hard because Reagan said he wants to make this country what it used to be.” she explained. “What he means is that he wants blacks to be slaves again. The Republicans never want to help black people, only rich whites.”

I hated Ronald Reagan from that day on. I was sent home from school for laughing when it was announced over the loudspeaker that Reagan was shot by John Hinckley Jr.  “


You see in 6th grade I lived in a suburb of Chicago named appropriately Oak Park, Illinois.  Glorious, pristine, Oak Park- home to actress Betty White, architect Frank Lloyd Wright, and Earnest Hemingway. Beautiful ginkgo trees, red bicycles, white picket fences, and very very Republican.  It was not Chicago that was for sure.I was confused. It was only four short years ago that the donkey was living large. Now I was getting punished  again- this time for not choosing the elephant.

These are silly childhood stories I know, but please consider that each experience served as an important early lesson in politics for me: always keep your mouth shut and never count the Republicans out.  That elephant’s body may be held together with bandages but you can bet your last tax dollar, it will rise again.

It would be wise for everyone to remember this, as they are searching the allegorical ivory coast looking for elephant to prey upon.

Autographed Letter Signed,