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Obama Voter Autopsy Results Are In: Death by Kool Aid September 23, 2010

Filed under: Obamabots — afrocity @ 10:14 AM
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As a traditionalist, I have an inherent distrust for movements. I take them on the case by case basis.  This goes for the Obama movement as well as the Tea Party movement.  I am a conservative but I look at candidates on the case by case basis.   Cautiously, I weigh all of the pros and cons, check out the reviews.  Much like when I purchased my new blu-ray player several weeks ago.  Finally, Afrocity is with the high-def movement…but it took a while.  Like a true skeptic, I comb Consumer Reports, ask for the opinions of friends, go to Best Buy and look at their ratings.  Even to myself it is frustrating. Just buy the damn thing already it’s only a television.  It’s only  a restaurant- put down the stupid Zagat’s and let’s go.  From my beginnings.  I hated wasting my time or money on anything.   During my wee years, I was reading an Archie comic book.  On the back, there were advertisements for gags of all sorts.  Disappearing ink, itching powder, X-ray vision glasses,  fake poo,  and the best of all… Sea Monkeys.

My young friends had all tried the other gags. The fake poo was not that exciting and the disappearing ink while funny at first just made someone want to kick your ass for getting their blouse wet… but Sea Monkeys looked great.  We all decided that we would buy a kit. I could have my own little family!

Hours of enjoyment would be spent watching my little Sea Monkey family in their aquatic home. I could watch momma monkey put on lipstick.  We could play patty cake through the plastic tank. Opponents of the Sea Monkey venture were my mother and grandmother.

“Those things are not what they say they are Afrocity,”  warned my mother. “Your brother had some of those and-“


“’s your allowance.”

As my first mail-order endeavor, I got to walk to the currency exchange and purchase a money order for $3.95 , stick it in an envelope, lick the back of a postage stamp, and skip to the mailbox.  My address was on the money order, not my mother’s- MINE.

This was my little investment.  My real family is on welfare and dysfunctional but my Sea Monkey family will have it going on- dishwasher- Tv dinners every night.

Since at least 500 B.C., I waited for the UPS man and it was agonizing.

“Is it here yet?”  I asked mother bursting in from school.

She would shake her head.

My entire evening was ruined if that package with my mail order family was not there  -even the cartoons would not cheer me up.  Obsessed with the Sea Monkeys, I twitched all day in school just wondering if the package had arrived.  Can you imagine if I had a cell phone?  I would have driven my mother crazy with text messages.


Of course my little sea family did arrive and predictably,  it was one of the most disappointing purchases I have ever made in my life.

There was a plastic tank and a packet of powder which were the Sea Monkey eggs.  “Instant Sea Monkeys”  read the label.  According to the instructions I dumped the powder of eggs into the water filled tank and waited, and waited, and waited for Godot with fins.   There were days that I would watch that tank for hours waiting for this large mermaid like family to appear…nothing…I was a sucker.  My friends were also sucked for their Sea Monkey families were AWOL as well.

Minimal humiliation was sparked by mother’s mocking remarks:  “Wow they are huge,”  she exaggerated watching me watch the empty cheaply made tank. “Look they are watching cartoons on the TV and playing “Go fish”.

Like most small children I did not want to admit that mother was right.  As badly as I wanted to throw out the stupid tank, I just let it sit there.  With the passing of weeks, I was largely over the matter  and moved on to other things but mother decided to give me a second chance at sea life.  One day after school, my Sea Monkey tank had transformed into a huge bowl with three goldfish.  They were swimming around and alive.  Rock and little fake plants and little pink houses for them.  Glee was what I felt. Glee that had been robbed by the Sea Monkey suddenly returned tenfold.

“Where did these come from ?” I asked excitedly. “Are they mine?”

“Those are the Sea Monkey’s they changed just like the comic book said they would while you were at school,” she lied. “Too bad you were not here to see them change. Oh, the tank rumbled and shook and it got to small for them so I had to get another.”

“No they did not,”  I laughed.  I did not care that she was teasing me. My goldfish were better than stupid Sea Monkeys any day”

Lesson learned?  If it sounds too good to be true, it usually is and do not buy the hype.   After being taken by the Sea Monkey scam, I always  make certain that anything I invest my time or money in is solid and seaworthy before I jump on board.

That also goes for Sea Monkey families in the White House and my precious vote.  Oh look at the cute little African American family playing in the Oval Office- they promise to deliver change and hope. OOPS- disclaimer-  I am not implying that the Obama’s are monkeys as in racially derogatory terms.  I am comparing my Sea Monkey experience with that of Americans who voted for this perfect Utopian post racial presidency.   Obama promised that our lives will be fundamentally different.  He gave his supporters drinks of  Kool Aid and campaigned a hole in their heads.

Case in point, this Obama supporter:

Aw, golly arugula!  Somebody’s  Sea Monkey did not turn into a goldfish- and it was supposed to come with a cushy job and unicorns too.  To make matters even more pathetic, in a move as old as history itself,  the fooled went back to the fooler for answers and got more change, hope and Kool Aid.

Sure, Barry we still cool.

Who has grounds for concern or criticism of Obama, aka “the anointed one” when he flashes that million dollar man march smile?

Maybe I am out of the norm here, but do you see anything about this woman’s statement that is remotely huge toothy smile worthy?  His grin… frankly, would have insulted me and I would have told him so.  More surprising was the acceptance of his answers to these people by many on the left.

So she is a plant now? Because???? She is African American and not falling over at Obama’s feet?

Sure keep drinking whether that is tea or Kool Aid.

Keep your minds open. Democrats or Republicans did not get us where we are today.  Stupidity did.

It is never easy to reconcile a bad decision but it is even harder to do so if your repeat that decision again and again and again.   You cannot really blame the candidate.  You can’t hunt him down.

You can’t whine ” you promised me the moon on steroids and all I got was this lousy Obama dress”  Correction: this VERY lousy Obama dress.

Obama did not make you pull the lever and vote for phony change. You did.

Next time before you attend a rally with millions of star struck potential voters and Greek temples made of Styrofoam don’t drink…THINK.

Autographed Letter Signed,



13 Responses to “Obama Voter Autopsy Results Are In: Death by Kool Aid”

  1. votermom Says:

    That’s a great story, afrocity. Your mom sounds awesome.

    But who on earth is in that awful dress? eeks.

    • afrocity Says:

      Hey Votermom. She is Victoria Rowell from Diagnosis Murder and The Young and The Restless. Normally, she has great taste. I will forgive her lapse in fashion judgment here. I do not like anyone enough to wear an entire dress covered in their face.

  2. A fine combination of memoir and analysis. Kool-Aid, like “cool”, will need a while to recover their innocence. The Sea-Monkeys, like some politicians, never will.

    • afrocity Says:

      And those Sea Monkey kits are non refundable. Like them, hope and change was a joke. I still cannot believe that the DNC adopted that mantra in their new logo. My argument is that Obama has fundamentally changed that party so it is normal that the “change” meme would become not just a campaign slogan but the DNC motto.

  3. Janelle Says:

    Holy S, Afrocity, this is a barnburner of a column and the pictures and graphics are off the charts. My eyeballs are rattling in my head. Out-flipping-standing!

  4. asabagna Says:

    Great post. I just started reading your work. Very refreshing and unique perspective. I will visit often.


  5. Larry Says:

    That’s deep.

  6. yttik Says:

    You are so correct, Afrocity. The whole country went and bought themselves a pack of sea monkeys.

  7. Peter Says:

    That’s quite a dress. If the lady isn’t wearing much in the way of underwear it would be perfect for getting what the country got.

  8. Rose Says:

    LOL, I bought some of those brine shrimp too.

    My son, when he was little loved to plant things, and he decided he wanted a Chia Pet. The ads were so enticing. Blip, blip blip, a fully grown little garden!

    So we got him one for Christmas, and he followed the directions so carefully. Spread the seed mush on the terra cotta… A few minutes later, he came in crestfallen. “It’s not working!”

    Took me a few minutes to realize he thought it was going to be instantaneous, blip, blip blip, fully grown and beautifully green.

  9. nanook Says:

    Excellent post! You have outdone yourself on this. I am sending linkage to friends and telling them to read you often.

  10. Gina Says:

    First, you rock! You and I share many (maybe all) of the same beliefs when it comes to the role of government, and I love the way you say things. So what else do we have in common? I too was taken in by the dream of having my own little sea monkey family. I too was sadly disappointed. But reading this blog entry and remembering both how excited and how disappointed I was, and how my Mother also cautioned me against making this particular iinvestment, made me smile. Thanks!

  11. Afrocity:

    I am keeping an eye out for a deep analysis of how Black people were allowed to open our community wide open in support of Obama as the president of the United States. Walking through the urban malls in Atlanta in 2008 I knew that this “masturbated euphoria” was unsustainable and that there would be a massive caffeine crash afterward.

    Despite the grumblings from the “Progressives who are Democrats who are Black” that Obama is not focusing upon Black community issues (with leftist solutions) they are NOT going to threaten his reelection in 2012 by bringing their issues to the table.

    I hope that a mainstream Black voice one day BEGS THE QUESTION, asking these tough questions, at least going through the thought process about WHAT DID OUR COMMUNITY GET FROM THIS UNIVERSAL SUPPORT – while expectantly- lobbying for his reelection.

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