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Sunday Soliloquy: One Missed Pill February 7, 2010

Quick of eye are the vultures circling neophyte conservative Afrocity.

Like someone who suffers from panic disorder, there are some days that I do not feel adequately Xanaxed-up.

Obviously, being a a conservative creates an apothecary of concerns for a former Democrat.

I get attacked from both sides.

It is my own fault, I jumped in feet first and sometimes I fall on my soft head.  No one has ever coached me in the details of being a conservative.

If you walked into my apartment, overall impressions of my kitchen table, the cupboard, the contents of my chest of drawers would show you that virtually nothing has changed about me since 2008 except my political affiliation.  Well okay…okay- I will confess to purchasing a burlap RNC 1976 convention tote bag at an antiques store in Iowa.  It was a great find and I could not resist.  Other than that, I promise you that I do not own not one political tee shirt, not one white hood, not one “Don’t Tread On Me”  thong and bra set.

Still the same Afrocity. The blacker the conservative, the sweeter the controversy

I am the same. I just vote differently now.

Still Pro-choice.

Still Afrocity.

Still African American.

Sill a woman.

Still, I receive reproachable letters and comments:

Ms. [Afrocity] Brown, You’re a conservative Republican. Not sure how you can call yourself a PUMA. By definition, PUMA stands for disaffected Democrats.

…You [Afrocity]are no republican or conservative of mine. your just a ghetto girl wanna be. Those who accept you in our party are just as bad as those who voted for obama… you are not needed.You black piece of shit, stay far away from our party till you learn you some…

It seems foolish to get upset over such comments.

I must accept that despite what I do or say, I will emerge the as the villian on both sides of the political divide.  I am an aspirin. Devour one half one day, save the next for later.

What is in a villian’ s cupboard?

Campbells Chicken n’ Dumplings soup, Kraft Mac n’ Cheese, vitamins, microwave popcorn,  spices, sugar, polenta… What’s in my chest of drawers?  I would answer it depends.  I own a credenza filled with CD’s, old grad school papers, and ashes… Three small canisters.  One with my Dalmatian Paloma she died in 2005, the other with my Dalmatian Picasso who died in 2009 and the last canister contains my mother’s ashes.  You can literally unearth my past by looking in my credenza.  Now that this post has been punctuated by morbidity, one can presume where I am going with this but you may be surprised.

My mother was once a living breathing human being.  Not only did she matter to me but she was actually matter.

Is it true when they say that matter can be neither created nor destroyed?  I certainly think so!

Death becomes her.

Mother is not destroyed, she is slimmer than ever at 7 pounds, 8 ounces.

She is contently sitting inside my credenza.

Quiet, serene a silent whisper of ashes, powder.  Like a pill. A finely pressed pill ground by mortar and pestle. Whole at one moment, with shape and form. Crushed and dissipated the next.

When I die, I too want to be cremated.  Because I am a conservative will my ashes be Republican red?  My mother’s are certainly not blue.   On one occasion, I felt foolish for opening the canister and looking at mother’s remains.  All gray and in a box with a few chips of bone hear and there.

All of her in a box bearing a label with her name on it.   The woman in the box allowed me to exist.   Suddenly, I saw her at thirty years of age, in 1968 standing in front of a refrigerator on her tippy toes…her birth control pills were kept there on top.  As she reached for the pills, she dropped them on the floor, the container opened and the last pills rolled under the refrigerator.  According to mother that is how Afrocity came to be.  One missed pill, a canceled abortion appointment, and 9 months later.  And since matter could neither be created or destroyed then why would the powers that be allow it now?

I will not let anyone destroy me or my message.

Autographed Letter Signed,

AFROCITY

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14 Responses to “Sunday Soliloquy: One Missed Pill”

  1. doppelganglander Says:

    As an adopted person, and therefore almost by definition the result of an unplanned pregnancy, I believe there are no accidents. You were meant to be who you are.

  2. manbearpig68 Says:

    CARRY ON!! With success comes contempt. Definitely don’t let hate mail get you down.

  3. yttik Says:

    You are beautiful Afrocity and you speak the truth. Don’t let the turkeys get you down.

    Also, for women anyway, if somebody isn’t criticizing you, you probably haven’t gotten out of bed yet. Success at speaking the truth really can be measured by hate mail. If we aren’t getting any “fan” mail then we aren’t speaking our views clearly and loudly enough.

    LOL, I’m always in trouble. Half the puma sites won’t let me post. Feminists think I’m too radical, the left thinks I’m a neocon, and the right thinks I’m a loony lefty. I really can’t win.

    • afrocity Says:

      Yttik,

      I ran into some hostile PUMA territory today on Bettyjean’s facebook page. While I adore the folks at THE CONFLUENCE and Darragh, I am really exhausted with the going back and forth with some of the posters about what a PUMA really is. I find it to be rather childish for someone to tell me that I cannot be a PUMA because I am Republican. Some PUMA blogs link me, others don’t or have linked me and taken me off the blog roll.

      The PUMA logo I had up, somehow mysteriously disappeared.
      Who knows? I am starting not to care anymore, not out of apathy but after the pure exhaustion of dealing with some negative individuals over there.

  4. Amy Says:

    What an absolutely vile letter. I’m sorry you had to be subjected to it. The upside is, from it springs this very moving and lyrical post.

    Keep fighting for what you believe in. Yours is an important voice.

  5. Peter Says:

    Someone who is really steeped in the juices of the right will consider Afrocity an individual. Someone with certain issues we agree with, some with which we disagree. Just like everyone else.

    As a right wing Republican I believe in the individual. I believe federal power should be limited to what it says in the Constitution. Therefore, while I am anti abortion, I am pro choice. Since the Constitution says nothing about abortion I believe Roe v Wade is a bad decision. The decision should have said “this isn’t a federal matter, you States and even Counties hash it out.”

    Then conservative Texas would probably outlaw abortion while liberal Louisiana would welcome it. And those wealthy woman’s groups would, instead of buying bus tickets and motel rooms, buy millions in advertising, instead. But I digress, again.

    Afrocity is welcome on the right. I can say this because I still have my “Charter Member of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy” coffee cup from Rush Limbaugh. This gives me the official power to welcome Afrocity (and ytik) into the Conspiracy. So let it be said, so let it be done.

  6. kelley Says:

    Afrocity,
    My dad use to say,”don’t let the bast@@ds get you down.”
    Welcome, as Peter said, to the Conspiracy !!

  7. Carolinagirl Says:

    Please consider that who ever made that nasty statement about you is most likely NOT a conservative and was using that as a cover. Hang tough and know that you have more support than you can imagine!!!

  8. Amazonia Says:

    Afrocity

    Your Blog is one of the most interesting to read and learn about
    humanity from.

    I am a PUMA for Hillary and Sarah.

  9. Diane Says:

    Maybe I am naive, but I cannot believe that a Conservative sent you this vicious email. We all know that slacker liberal boys haunt Conservative sites and post crap like this. I suppose you’ll never know and it really doesn’t matter except that it hurt me, a 61 yr old White woman, who admires you so much, to see you have to put up with this s _ _ _ like this.

    • afrocity Says:

      Thank you Diane. We do not know who sent the letter. It is still being investigated. We do have a name and not sure if he is really a conservative or just a Moby.

      • liontooth Says:

        Afrocity, You’re such a sweet person. I’m sorry you had to be subjected to this person’s bile.

        Oh, but you have the person’s name? I wish I knew who it was. I could find many ways to make someone’s life ‘very interesting’!


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