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Sunday Soliloquy: Damn It Feels Good To Be A Victim October 25, 2009

From I Own The World. Com

From I Own The World. Com

Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again.

F.P. Jones

My affection for grocery shopping yesterday afternoon was again trumped by my past anxieties.

Does the memory of past trauma ever end? No matter how successful I become my world will never be devoid of what came before.  Despite a fistful of coupons and a debit card to burn, here I am at the grocery store still feeling like a victim.

Afrocity, you do not deserve those $3.49 Sea Salt & Vinegar Kettle Chips in the organic aisle.

Afrocity, do you really need that pre-packaged salad? Are you too lazy to cut up a head of lettuce?

How dare you buy that 1/2 pound of imported genoa salami just because it tastes better when the domestic is on sale?

I was guilt-ridden and self loathing at the deli-counter. I asked for co-jack cheese, salami, Vienna corned beef, and old fashioned loaf.

Why so greedy? Just how many sandwiches can you make Afrocity?

What was I thinking? I went to the grocer’s market on an empty stomach and a head filled with bad memories of standing in aisles of food which I often could not afford without the government’s help.

Rarely did mom ever stand at a deli counter except to buy corned beef which is my favorite cold cut.  $6.00 a pound it was during the 70’s, for food stamp heads like mom and I that was a luxury…but we bought it anyway.

“Just because we are on welfare does not mean we have to eat like it,”  mother would often say when she would get a cold stare from the supermarket cashier. She was paranoid that because they were white, they felt that blacks should not eat as well. Especially when those blacks happened to be on food stamps.

Philadelphia Ad for Food Stamps

From "Philadelphia Coalition Against Hunger"

“Because they are white and have to struggle to pay for groceries, they think we should too.”

“How can you tell they are struggling?” I asked.

“Look at them! Would you want to work all day bagging groceries?”

I shook my head. Bagging did look like a boring job.

“Well, neither do they… I would rather have NO JOB than to do that all day long.”

Obama_FoodStamp-1Mother’s wisdom was never plain. Tempered with bitterness and the frustration of underdog-dom, she cleverly turned our situation into something that was enviable and virtuous.

“We get corned beef and she gets bologna…and what did I tell you about bologna?” she asked, handing me the lightest bag of groceries.

policybasics-foodstamps-f1Frowning at the mere mention of the word, I proved to mother that I knew my lessons well.  “Bologna is bad for black people and made by whites to slowly poison us with poor nutrition. Just like Oscar Meyer corn dogs and possessed meat.”

“Processed meats,” she corrected. ” P R O C E S S ED.”

I nodded. “No fat, only lean cuts. It is a sin to eat fat the USDA is a liar and so is Nestle.”

Mother nodded, we were ready to retrace our steps back home, hands full of groceries.

Now she left me in 2009, starring off into space as the deli-counter lady was slicing my corned beef.  I don’t need all of this meat but I was hungry and got greedy.  I can’t ask her to stop now.  There are moments when it seems to me that I will never deserve that pound of corned beef. It didn’t feel good then and it doesn’t feel much better now that I can afford it with my own money that I worked for.

As usual ZoNation sums up everything for me this week. My favorite African American conservative has created a hip hop music video which discusses Obama supporters and victimhood. They call them “victicrats”


14 Responses to “Sunday Soliloquy: Damn It Feels Good To Be A Victim”

  1. manbearpig68 Says:

    I think Obama needs a bit of your guilt. I don’t think he’s ever felt that in his life.

  2. Holly Says:

    Victimhood is celebrated in this country; it is groomed and cultured. It is a sad life of dependency and hate.

    You overcame all of this by your own will and intellect. When will you feel worthy of your success? You are intelligent, successul, and a beautiful woman…if you want to make a purchase that you earned that is your decision and not others to guilt you out of a purchase. Hell, the people who make you feel guilty are the people you are probably supporting.

    All of us who, everyday, take personal responisibility for our actions, our decisions, and are proactive in our endeavors should be proud. Independence is our flag. This is the America to celebrate.

  3. yttik Says:

    More of that wonderful writing, Afrocity. You could put all those stories about your mother in a book and it would fly off the shelves. There is just so much truth in your words.

    I love that video, victicrat. I cracked up watching it. It’s a serious subject, but it was just so refreshing to see the truth spoken out loud, it made me laugh.

    In another thread somebody mentioned that your mother’s story may not be the universal story of black Americans. Well of course it’s not everybody’s story, but it is a very familiar story that rings true with people who grew up on the bottom, black or white. The majority of people dependent on the government are actually white people. Many of them have some of the same belief systems, about not wanting to work for the man, about having a sense of entitlement, about focusing on their victimization. I work with a lot of teen age girls who right now in 2009, dream of getting pregnant, of having a baby daddy, of getting food stamps. I want them to dream about going to school, about buying or building their own home, about starting a business. We worked so hard to provide opportunities for women and it breaks my heart to see girls trapped in this victim mindset where they can’t even seem to set their dreams higher.

    • afrocity Says:

      God bless you for the work you do. I know you must reach some of those girls. Even a few would make a difference…no?

  4. plainjane Says:

    Did you ever eat sugar sandwiches? In the 1930s we could pick yp five lbs of sugar (and five lbs. of flour) at a welfare office over the theater. My mother, however, blanched at putting oleo on the table, so we always had butter for the base of our sandwiches. We did eat lots of balogna, too. As I remember it was like 19c/lb.

    • afrocity Says:

      No PlainJane but my mothee told me about sugar sandwiches as she was born in 1938. Sugar was rare in my home, but when we ran out of juice, mom would make “sweet water” so I could feel that I had something to drink other than regular old water.

  5. aussie Says:

    There are many reasons for being a victim, but the thing is that being a victim is a choice.

    When I was growing up I was a victim of bullying. It happened in my family and it happened at school. Of course being a sensitive person I reacted by crying. I had a terrible childhood. I was taunted for a number of reasons, I used to cry a lot, I had a birthmark that looked like a dirt patch on my neck, my teeth were crooked and the front tooth came out yellow and chipped, which meant I needed orthodontic treatment when it was not in vogue. I was smart which meant one teacher really hated me – so I gave her cheek too. However, the worst of the victimization is unspeakable.

    My mother grew up during the Great Depression. Her family was dirt poor. My mother was forced out of school whilst her youngest sister got every thing her own way. They used to eat bread and dripping….. yeeek!!!!

    The thing is learning to deal with the victimization means making a choice. One can choose to remain a victim or make the decision to be one’s own person. It is not an easy thing to become whole, and hey, we all fall down occasionally. When you know it is happening, step back fora moment, recognize those thoughts, then dismiss them from your mind.

    If necessary take a leaf out of a 12 step program, especially one that is geared towards mental health. It works the same as AA. It is always a choice.

    I really do love what you write, and I think that you should collect up these stories and write a book.

    • afrocity Says:

      Hello Aussie. Thank you for sharing your story. You are a survivor and you are correct that one chooses how to deal with victimization. Doing nothing is what troubles me the most.

  6. Peter Says:

    Oh, Afrocity, you do deserve all the corned beef you want. And rubies. It’s funny, though. I’ve never got a food stamp or anything like that. My mother was a child of the dust bowl, her father died when she was two, of complications of the gas in WW1. So she grew up squeezing every nickel until the buffalo belched.

    Today, at age 62 I can still hear her voice in my head when I do things like eat steak more than once a month, “do you think you’re made of money?” But you still deserve pre-made salad if you want. And pearls.

  7. Deathknyte Says:

    No offense, but I think your mother may have been suffering a touch of insanity. Or at least that’s what it sounds like to me.

    Oscar Mayer is out to poison black people? And how would they know which packages the black people were going to buy?

    • afrocity Says:

      I beg your pardon Deathknyte, I do take offense to that. She was a moonbat, thank you very much!

  8. Deathknyte Says:

    Sorry then.

  9. joanelle Says:

    Great post, again, Afrocity – thank you. You don’t have to be black to see yourself as a victim. As a second generation American, even to this day with all that I’ve accomplished I sometimes still “feel less.”

    I know that comes from within me, for no one treats me “less than” – but I give myself the “hey, girl, what are you doing?” talk and get back at it.

    It’s who we are – as Holly says above, we do seem to celebrate victimhood in America – and certain groups use it to “keep us in our place” but we don’t have to let it keep us down unless we want to.

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