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Welcome To Co-Dependants Anonymous…For Obama Supporters October 23, 2009

obama-marieantoinette2Last night an acquaintance of mine says to me ” I voted for Barack Obama because he had a plan. With John McCain I did not see a plan.”

While I do not agree with his statement, I have come to terms with the idea that many people saw something in Barack Obama that apparently I and 46% of other voters did not. I am still trying to understand what they saw exactly.

From this article at Real Clear

October 23, 2009

Obama vs. The President He Said He’d Be

By Tom Bevan

During the campaign Barack Obama vowed he would be a different kind of leader who would move America beyond the “smallness of our politics.” That inspired promise was not an insignificant part of why he was elected last November.

In his inaugural address Obama told us that “the time has come to set aside childish things.” He promised to bring “an end to the petty grievances and false promises, the recriminations and worn out dogmas, that for far too long have strangled our politics.”

Not only has President Obama failed to live up to those promises so far, it appears that on more than a number of occasions he’s made a conscious decision to break them.

In the first nine months in office President Obama and/or members of his administration have accused doctors of performing unnecessary medical procedures for profit; demonized bond holders as “speculators;” produced a report suggesting military veterans are prone to becoming right wing extremists; attacked insurance companies and threatened them with legislative retribution; ridiculed talk show hosts and political commentators by name from the White House podium; dismissed and demeaned protesters and town hall attendees as either unauthentic or fringe characters; maligned a white police officer for arresting a black man without knowing the facts of the case; launched an orchestrated campaign to marginalize the country’s biggest pro-business group; and publicly declared war on a news organization.

Twice in the last week, perhaps carried away by the campaign atmosphere, President Obama ramped up the use of the kind of partisan rhetoric that will drive Americans further apart; once in San Francisco at a DNC fundraiser and once last night at a rally for Jon Corzine.

As a result of this strategy, President Obama’s approval rating has fallen consistently since taking office while Americans’ disapproval of the way he’s handled his job has more than doubled and is now at an all time high of 44 percent. On Wednesday Gallup reported that the 9-point drop in Obama’s approval rating between July and September was the third most precipitous decline in Presidential history and the worst since 1953.

"Up Up And Away" from Hope N' Change Cartoons by Stilton Jarlsberg.

"Up Up And Away" from Hope N' Change Cartoons by Stilton Jarlsberg.

Words are just words. Promises fall hollow for me when one does not have the experience or record to back it up.

At an early an early age, I learned to judge people by their actions and not by their words. I mention this because there was a time when I was like my mother and did not. As a girl, I felt sick at the prospect of watching her get screwed over again and again by the same people who promised a lot but delivered nothing.

The lesson: If they stood you up three times last year, they will probably stand you six more times this year.

Unfortunately, I had to apply my own rule to my mother. Her fatal character flaw was laziness and a lack of motivation, coupled ironically with a sense of entitlement. The government was there to take care of us. That was our right as African Americans. We deserved it and besides the government gets oodles of money from the taxes of rich folks like Republicans.  Her philosophy of course was quite evident in her record. Years knowing my mother– 38. Years she held a job during that time 8.2,  and I am being generous. Based on that record of 30 years without working, I gave up hoping she would become gainfully employed by my 26th year. It was just not in her. When did she finally get a job? In 1994 when she lived in the state of Texas, a state that is as red as they come… A state that does not bullshit when it comes to lazy people on government assistance.

Texas saw my mother for what she was an able-bodied lazy person, fat off years of government aid from Illinois.

On a weaned government diet, they afforded her a stipend of $69 dollars a month in food stamps with zero cash money. Within several months, she fell homeless and came to live with me in my college dorm. Luckily, I had no roommate and would sneak her in. I tolerated her for an entire summer while I went to school taking Japanese, Constitutional Law and several other ass kicking classes. I also worked two jobs at Houston law firms making $10 an hour at each, far above the minimum wage. Mother’s initial refusal to look for work angered me but I hoped she would “change”.

michelle shorts

Drowning quickly, my grades began to suffer as well as my friendships. I did not date for fear of letting out ‘”the secret”. How could I bring a potential paramour to my dorm room when my mother lived there with me in a 100 square foot space and a single bed with extra long sheets? I dropped my sorority which was my only source of leadership opportunity and networking.  Afrocity was dying. Mother loved me and wanted me to go to law school but failed to see that she was destroying me with her dependency.

missbarackomericaWas I helping my mother by helping her?

Not really.

In fact she became more dependent upon me. She refused to leave my room for fresh air or to give me space and time with friends my own age. This was obviously a turning point in our relationship for me. I was an enabler and mother needed tough love. Taking my savings, I began to look for an apartment for her. Two weeks later, I put her in a taxicab and sent her on her way. She had a one bedroom apartment, a fridge full of food, and two months rent paid in advance.

For three peaceful months, I heard not a peep from mother. The new fall semester of my senior year in college was upon me. I had dreams of moving to Japan in order to hone my language skills, possibly grad school afterward. My over-taxed exhausting summer was over, or so it seemed.  I got a phone call one night. It was mom.

“I lost the apartment and now I am in a homeless shelter,” she sounded pitiful, defeated, helpless…again.

Frozen with fear, I hung up the phone on her and ignored her calls for 4 months. Each abandoned call made me shudder with guilt. How could I do this to my mother?

The next time I spoke with her she had another apartment and a job in a retail stock room. For the first time in nearly 15 years my mother was working and not drawing a government or “Bank of Afrocity” check.

In those years, I was upset with myself for not seeing my mother as she was. Would she lose the job again? Yes in three years when she transferred to my brother’s bank of kindness and Social Security. After all she was who she was.

Sept Opening Spread F2 - IG scandal

And Barack Hussein Obama is who he is.

As you read my words, you may have noticed that there are images of our dear leader in some of his “glorious moments” as seen through the lens of a skeptic. Are we negative? Are we failing to come up with solutions?

Perhaps. However I would say that the questions you really should be asking are of him. You voted for him.

From Contra

From Contra

Accepting a person unconditionally requires that you recognize that person’s faults and learn how to tolerate them. How many times have you witnessed a friend with a cheating spouse, a child who has a drug addiction, or a friend who is unreliable? What happens? They continue to see the best in that person while getting taken advantage of.

You may say “Afrocity, that is love.”

And I will answer “That is not love, that is just plain stupid.”

You are not doing that person any favors by viewing them with rose colored glasses (extra strength prescription, bifocals). You see them as they are so they can see themselves in an honest and clear manner

People will often say things to you in life that you want to believe however, your faith in them means nothing unless they are committed to keeping their word.

When it comes to elected officials, rather than falling susceptible to campaign slogans and charismatic speeches. Speeches are a dime a dozen. I liken them to rice bowls.  A clever speech can arouse your emotions and fill you up pretty quickly, yet you are left running out for a hamburger later—you need more substance, more beef.

Learn to stop being an enabler. Criticize them, listen to the arguments of the opposing side. Ask questions, look at their record, call them out for the change they promised but did not deliver on. I do not care what political party they are affiliated with.  Republican, Independent, Green Party, or Democrat– a liar is a liar.


By the year 2012, President Obama’s record should present a pretty accurate picture of what he will and will not do.

Will you enable him by falling yet again for the same empty slogans? The same promises he will not keep? He will tell you that he did not have enough time.  I say but you promised “change” from day one, not year four.

drink upThere are two kinds of voters. The smart voters who know that candidates will say and do anything to get you into the sack. The smart voters scrutinize the notches on the candidates bedpost. The smart voters make decisions based on the present while being informed of the past. The smart voters know the difference between an albatross and an unfortunate acquaintance.

You disliked the policies of George W. Bush? Great so did I.

Does that mean I am voting against John McCain because of it? No. McCain is not Bush. In fact Barack Obama and George W, Bush have more in common.

Are you disappointed in Bill Clinton because he slept with Monica Lewinsky?  Great so am I.  Did I vote for Al Gore in 2000? Yes.

Which voter are you?




16 Responses to “Welcome To Co-Dependants Anonymous…For Obama Supporters”

  1. IslandLibertarian Says:

    From the first time I saw “0” (pronounced zero) speaking at the Democratic Convention, I knew he was a flim-flam man, a fabricated collection of special effects.
    Now his true colors are bleeding out and The Republic is in mortal danger from his agenda.
    Those voters continuing to support this LIAR are “Stuck on Stupid!

    Wake up America. The alarm has long ago gone off.

  2. yttik Says:

    Wow afrocity, your writing takes my breath away.

    My mother had the same sense of entitlement and unwillingness to do for herself. I spent half my life trying to rescue her. Maybe that has something to do with not falling for Obama. I don’t do hope, hope doesn’t pay the power bill, it doesn’t put food on the table, and it sure doesn’t cure your medical problems. Hope was actually one of the evils that Pandora did not unleash on the world, slamming the box shut just in time to save mankind.

    Now faith I’ve got a lot of, but certainly not faith in sweet talking politicians.

    I’ve noticed that many of the people advocating “socialism” have never seen it in action. They’ve never lived in government housing, never stood in line for food stamps, never waited four months to get into a health clinic. Depending on the government is not freedom, it’s not a chicken in every pot, it’s a rather sad and unsatisfying existence.

  3. No time to write much, but I will say this… the Bible calls it “speaking the truth in love.” Authentic acceptance and love of a person necessitates truth telling honesty. No one gets better without honest assessments of himself or herself and his or her situation. Much of what passes for compassion is really guilt induced co-dependency with the giver making sacrifices not out of genuine care, but to relieve their own consciences. This is not always but all too often is.

  4. jodetoad Says:

    Thanks for your story, it can’t have been easy to write.

    This administration is doing everything to separate us, using class envy, phony morality, race, and it’s just tragic. I pray we learn from this, and come out stronger.

  5. PaladinPhil Says:

    Hi Afrocity. Thanks once again for a great article. Once again you have nailed the subject. Having seen little socialism in action I know what it’s like. Every time I see or hear Obama open his mouth about what is needed I shudder. I hope that the government is handicapped and doesn’t pass any of the major tax plans known as bills. The last thing we need is a crippled country that’s a super power.

  6. Stilton Says:

    A wonderful and thoughtful piece (and, incidentally, thanks for using my cartoon). You’ve hit on the greatest danger from the growing tendency of the government to want to do everything for people…which is that it steals the ability of people to do anything for themselves.

    There is no need, and no future, for a nation of leeches…people who are increasingly encouraged (indeed, forced) to lead lives of passive subsistence solely so they can vote for a political machine.

  7. Steve Says:

    Great post! I really like your blog!!

    ps. Link Exchange??

  8. Joanelle Says:

    Thank you, again – this is so powerful – more people need to read this truth-telling

  9. Modem X Says:

    Excellent post, AfroCity. ToughLove is hard but sometimes you have to stop being an enabler.

    Speaking of enabling, have you heard about “Obama phones”?

    “Lifeline Benefits

    Lifeline Assistance is part of a program that was created by the government to provide discounted or free telephone service to income-eligible consumers. To help bring you this important benefit, SafeLink Wireless is proud to offer Lifeline Service. Through our Lifeline Service you will receive FREE cellular service, a FREE cell phone, and FREE Minutes every month! SafeLink Wireless Service does not cost anything – there are no contracts, no recurring fees and no monthly charges.

    Any Minutes you do not use will roll-over. Features such as caller ID, call waiting and voicemail are all also included with your service. If you need additional Minutes, you can buy TracFone Airtime Cards at any TracFone retailer Walmart, Walgreens, Family Dollar, etc). SafeLink Airtime Cards will be available soon.”

    You get your free phone by being on Medicaid, Food Stamps, etc., and applying for the free phone at:

    What a way to empower drug dealers!!!

    Credit: I read about this at Free Us Now Weblog.

  10. patriotdems Says:


    From your descriptions of your mother’s actions it sounds as if your mother may have had some mental or emotional issues. Was she ever referred for counseling.

    Your mother-daughter relationship is sad but not necessarily a parallel with the greater African-American community and its problems.

    • afrocity Says:

      1. To get counseling under government health care, you pretty much have to be the mother from the movie Sybil. Why would I refer her to counseling when that more than likely meant I would go to DFS?…Putting me in a worse situation than I already was in.

      2. I never said it was.

    • to your second point… the pathologies that have become endemic in large segments of the Black community are far too much just as afrocity describes. There are many many fine folks who have had their potential squandered and their lives wasted because of the persistence of pervasively negative and entitled attitudes that sabotage their success. All too often the well meaning though intensely misguided efforts of the liberal establishment serves only to perpetuate and indeed exacerbate these existing pathologies while providing ready excuses for those who can and should change their ways.

  11. purplefinn Says:

    Excellent post, Afrocity. I am still amazed at how many people I respect who are still “hoping and waiting”. These are people of goodwill who otherwise behave rationally and are hard working contributors to our world.

    In regard to Lifeline and “free” cellphones, I usually check Snopes when something seems too good or bad to be true.

    This service is for people who cannot afford any phone service and is discounted not free:

    • Modem X Says:

      The sign-up site for the cell phones indicated they were free, not discounted, and included call waiting, caller ID, and voice mail, which are frills.

      Snopes has been wrong in the past about some things. I’d like to see more info before believing Snopes on this one.

      I could support providing free phones with five-ten minutes free a month for emergency use to the poor. But 70 minutes a month? Call waiting, caller ID, and voice mail?

  12. Mike Says:

    This is an excellent commentary!

  13. Janis Says:

    I know what they saw in him — whatever they wanted to.

    He’s like that mirror in the Harry Potter books that will show you whatever you want to see. Problem is, the only reason a mirror can do that is because it has no actual content of its own.

Comments are closed.