Good Morning and welcome to Dr. Afrocity’s couples therapy session for Obama supporters. I see you are alone today which is unfortunate because couples therapy always works better when both parties are emotionally invested in the relationship.
What was that?
You say your partner cannot attend couples therapy sessions with you because he is far too busy with his job as President of the United States?
My, my, my what a big job your partner has. I know that you are supportive of his position, after all YOU did elect him for it.
You thought he was the right man for the job and there was no chance of persuading you to think otherwise but let’s not obsess over the minor details of things we cannot CHANGE (wink).
Well, you know what they say, there is no sense in crying racism over spilled Kool Aid. The reality of your situation is that you are here today alone in Obama supporters couples therapy and your partner is MIA so let’s focus on you and your happiness.
(Dr. Afrocity takes out writing pad)
As clearly as possible tell me what exactly is troubling you about your relationship with President Barack Oabma? Oh, honey don’t cry your glitter eyeliner is running down your face.
(hands patient a box of Kleenex)
Here lie down on the sofa. You are shaking like a leaf. Are you cold?
(Patient nods head)
Well so much for global warming huh? Let me get you this nice warm red blanket….We will just put this around your shoulders. Oh dear your back is covered with donkey hoof prints…Did he do this to you honey? what is wrong with him?
(Patient puts head down)
Hmmm, it is obvious that you have been stepped on by a jackass. You know that right?
Are you sure that you want to continue with this relationship.
You say this crisis gives the two of you the opportunity to grow as a couple? (Dr. Afrocity rolls eyes) Okay, princess it’s your money your time. Tell me what’s wrong…
(Dr. Afrocity poised to write notes on pad) …He promised to stimulate you economically but lately he has not kept his promise to you and you have resorted to economically stimulating yourself?
That is a serious problem my dear… He showed you his big recovery package, it impressed you at first. It was big, the biggest you had ever seen…You tingled at the thought of unraveling its mysteries…But turns out it was a big impotent nothing and now you are economically unstimulated and you are faking it…Going through the motions of a fake economic recovery orgasm is never easy.
(Patient blowing nose in Kleenex, crying uncontrollably)
(Dr. Afrocity puts on H1N1 protective mask)
You are so lucky to have found me (smiles). You have certainly come to the right place. First, lets take a look at the right way to fake an economic recovery orgasm. I found this great article that may be of help, it even bashes a Republican so as an Obama supporter I am sure you will love it:
From Mother Jones Magazine:
Michael Steele, Here’s a Newspaper Article You Should Read— By David Corn | Fri September 4, 2009 12:06 PM PST
On slow news days—that is, when Dick Cheney or Sarah Palin haven’t said anything—there’s always GOP chairman Michael Steele.
He made website headlines earlier this week when he chastised a 23-year-old woman after she had interrupted him at a Howard University meeting to say that everyone in the country deserved access to good health care, citing the case of her own mother who recently died of cancer because she couldn’t afford chemo medications. Then on Friday, Steele looked particularly out of it within a Washington Post story on the stimulus and the economy.
The front-page article reported that “economists generally agree that the package has played a significant part in stabilizing the economy. They are less certain about the size of the impact.” The piece quoted a former assistant Treasury secretary from the Bush-Cheney administration, Phillip Swagel, who said President Obama’s stimulus package is “starting to play a role, helping us to have slightly positive rather than slightly negative GDP growth.” It cited IHS Global Insight, an economic consulting firm, which estimated the stimulus has added 1 percent to gross domestic product this year. Mark Zandi, chief economist of Economy.com and a former John McCain supporter, told the newspaper, “I don’t think it’s any accident that the economy has gone out of recession and into recovery at the same time stimulus is providing its maximum economic impact.”
So there’s a consensus: the stimulus package has produced results. Enter Steele. The article reported,
On Thursday, Republican National Committee Chairman Michael S. Steele discounted the impact of the stimulus plan. “Vice President Biden has been trying for 200 days to convince the American people the president’s economic stimulus experiment is working, but just like their government-run health-care scheme, no one is buying it,” he said.
Obviously, Steele had not consulted with Zandi, Swagel, IHS Global Insight, or most economists. There are indeed questions an administration foe can raise about the stimulus. Has it been quick enough? Big enough? Targeted correctly? Is the bang worth the bucks? Only a hack with no regard for reality would insist that it has absolutely not worked and that no one believes it has had an impact. Yet that’s what Steele said, proving once again that he is a guy who’s hard to take seriously.
Now wasn’t that article liberally refreshing? If you are not feeling economically stimulated, you just fake it by refuting the evidence with counter evidence from liberally biased economist that are in your corner. In times of trouble you must take appropriate actions by calling for a backup of emotional support. Who cares if what they are saying to comfort you is right or wrong as long as it makes you feel good about your support for Barack Obama, right? Also if you slander a few Republicans along the way like Sarah Palin or Michael Steele that’s even better, now isn’t my jackass loving darling???
(Patient begins to beam)
There now, that’s the Obamabot we all know and love. I knew there was a smile beneath all of that doubt. Now go home, watch two hours of MSNBC and call me in the morning.
Autographed Letter Signed,