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Hey!!!! Conservative Girl- Don’t Come Around Here No More July 4, 2011

Back in the 1980’s I never knew that a song from one of my favorite musical artist would be so politically polarizing.   My high school boyfriend and I were on the outs (again) because it was a union that was never consummated beyond some heavy petting in the stacks of the Chicago Public Library. During my romantic  off seasons, my Sony Walkman was playing some sad tunes.  This was how I came to know Tom Petty- at least in song and video.  “Don’t Come Around Here No More” summed up my teenage angst perfectly.  African American Afrocity in hormonal wonderland- ends up nothing more than a piece of cake to be indulged and devoured piece by piece in the mouths of the pubescent patriarchy.  I borrowed the identity of the visual- the wandering girl- little did I know that I would be at the wrong end of Tom Petty’s preferred customer spectrum because I am a conservative.

From an article in the Washington Post:

Posted 06/28/2011

Tom Petty not pleased with Michele Bachmann’s use of ‘American Girl’

By Sarah Anne Hughes

Michele Bachmann may be an “American Girl.” But Tom Petty wants to make it clear, she’s not his.

NBC’s Kelly O’Donnell interviewed Bachmann on Monday’s “Nightly News with Brian Williams” as the presidential hopeful kicked off her campaign in Waterloo, Iowa. During the interview, Bachmann made the now well-known John Wayne gaffe. But there was another mistake made that day.

O’Donnell reported that Petty’s manager has asked Bachmann’s campaign to stop using the song “American Girl,” which was played at the end of the kickoff.

Petty’s people previously asked George W. Bush to not use his music. But Hillary Clinton did use “American Girl” during her 2008 campaign.

Ok Mr. Petty lets be honest here. If it were Hillary Clinton that used your song would you have been okay with it?
Was Fleetwood Mac horrified when Bill Clinton’s campaign used “Don’t Stop”?
No of course not- the Clintons are liberals after all and therefore it is okay for them to play whatever they want during public appearances because most musicians are liberals- so it seems.
Was the music band Heart upset when the played “Barracuda” as Gov. Palin – a conservative pro-lifer – took the stage during the 2008 Presidential Campaign as John McCain’s running mate?  You betcha.
Normally when you want to use an artist’s song, you pay them for the rights to do so.  The McCain Campaign claimed they did so.  These same musicians are not sending “cease and desist” letters to the millions of Republicans that download their music on iTunes or Amazon.  Our conservative money seemed good enough for you then.  However, when a conservative wants to use music as a means of “rallying the base”  suddenly an acid test for rights and reproductions seems to come into play.

Chicago Tribune Photo of Men at last week's Gay Pride Parade...Would Tom Petty have approved if "American Girl" was playing loudly as they paraded in the streets?

I did not know that a musicians listeners had be a part of some sort  political affinity group of their choosing.  When I listen to a song, I do not care if the singer is a liberal or a conservative- at least I didn’t until recently.   My Apple downloads happen about once a month.   In March of this year I was in the grocery store and they were playing “Road to Nowhere”  by the Talking Heads.  Ah, another one of my 80’s favorites. Immediately, I made a mental note to download it later.  That night I purchased the song along with “It Ain’t Enough” by Corey Heart,  “Hungry Heart” by Bruce Springsteen,  “Go Insane” by Lindsey Buckingham,  “A Crazy Little Thing Called Love” by Queen and “Water of Love” by Dire Straits.    Stop laughing!!! I was having a longing for my youthful past and slimmer thighs.
While dancing around my apartment channeling a smooth derriere, imagine my surprise when I saw this:
Obviously, the main trouble here is that Christ did not ask for permission to use the song- but is that all that is to this.
Do Democrats ever get sued over the usage of songs from popular musicians.
According to this article at, the answer is yes…but rarely:

Do Rock Stars Dislike Democrats, Too?

By Stephen Spencer Davis

Posted Thursday, Jun. 30, 2011

…When news broke of Bachmann’s legal troubles, reporters and bloggers who weren’t already mocking her John Wayne Gacy gaffe happily rattled off the names of other politicians who’d committed similar copyright crimes. The Toronto Star offered a long, decidedly Republican, list: Jackson Browne sued John McCain in 2008, for example, when the then-presidential contender used the song “Running on Empty” in campaign ads. Canadian rockers Rush (politely) told Rand Paul to stop using their song “Spirit of Radio” during his quest for the Senate. And when Sarah “Barracuda” Palin’s campaign team used the Heart song “Barracuda” in its marketing, the band served it a cease-and-desist letter. (Palin’s team responded that it had purchased the rights to the song.) This wasn’t even the first time Petty has barred a Republican presidential candidate from using his tunes: After George W. Bush used “I Won’t Back Down” during his 2000 campaign, Petty’s lawyers threatened to sue unless Bush’s team pulled the song.

That’s gotten some people wondering: Have any Democratic candidates ever been asked to stop using a song in their campaign?

Well, the president has. In February 2008, soul music legend Sam Moore told Obama to stop playing the Sam and Dave song “Hold On, I’m Comin’.” The then-candidate’s team had been blasting the tune at rallies without Moore’s permission, and some audience members had been adopting their preferred lyrics: “Hold on, Obama’s comin’.”

The tension between musical artists and conservative politicians is difficult to deny. My question is what I am supposed to do as a listener?  Should I punish the musician for being liberal?  Should I delete my songs from Springsteen, the Dixie Chicks, Talking Heads, Michael Jackson?  Should I erase Tom Petty from my lifetime playlist?
Through music, these artists have been free to express themselves. Would they object to my quiet conservative assertions?  Worse, if I ever ran for political office and wanted to use a Tom Petty song would he send me a cease and desist letter despite my having been a follower for over two decades?
Today is Independence Day. 
I wonder of Star Spangled Banner lyricist Francis Scott Key would send a cease and desist letter to the millions of liberals who sing the song?  Who did he have in mind when he wrote it?  Americans- and that’s all that should matter.
Music activists or police should appreciate the freedoms they receive. How about letting your listeners do the same. Understand that your songs mean different things to different people. We bought your music and made you rich. You did not care that my debit card was tied to a conservative account.  I will not delete your songs Mr. Petty because I respect your opinion and will give your the respect that you did not give to Michelle Bachmann, or George Bush.
Obviously you “Don’t Know How It Feels”.
In this case the “it” is freedom.
Happy Independence Day to Democrats, Independents, Libertarians, Conservatives- To AMERICANS  everywhere.
Autographed Letter Signed,

The Fog Lifts…Maybe May 20, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — afrocity @ 9:40 PM
Tags: ,

Yes, it has been a while.  In December, I penned my last blog post and never returned.

Zip.  Nada.

Never even visited my WordPress page.

It was never intended you know.  What was supposed to be a short Christmas break turned into a six month hiatus.

Maybe unlike Sarah Palin, there was not any fire in my belly.

For Palin, this obviously refers to her possible 2012 run for the presidency.

For Afrocity it means getting the courage to come back to something that she was not sure was helping any one.

For Sarah and I.  Time will soon tell.

Autograph Letter Signed,



America Has 99 Problems and a Tax & Spend President is one of Them December 5, 2010

Conservatives have a an initial distrust of anything or anyone that uses tax payer dollars as a means of survival.

But if you ask a Democrat, America has 99 problems and they need your money to fix them.   Included in the list of 99 problems is not one bitch.

Not one Hillary.

Not one Palin.

For some people, the 99 problems equate to 99 weeks.  The exact number of weeks they may or may not have money to feed their families.

I have 99 problems which make me much too busy to blog. Work more, buy less.

From this article on the Future of


December 4, 2010

Harvard economics professor and former Bush administration official Greg Mankiw has a post up about whether to extend unemployment insurance:

‘when I hear economists advocate the extension of UI to 99 weeks, I am tempted to ask, would you also favor a further extension to 199 weeks, or 299 weeks, or 1099 weeks? If 99 weeks is better than 26 weeks, but 199 is too much, how do you know?….’

I should note, by the way, that economists who strongly favor the extension of UI benefits, such as those who signed this letter, also tend to favor more income redistribution in general. I suspect, therefore, that the foundation of their support comes not from having weighed the specific pros and cons of UI per se, but rather from a more general desire to “spread the wealth around.” That issue is, as I tell my students, more a matter of political philosophy than it is of economics.

One of Professor Mankiw’s objections — that extending unemployment insurance “reduces the job search efforts of the unemployed” — could be addressed in part by turning unemployment into something more like a health savings account, where if an individual gets a job before the benefits expire the individual gets to somehow keep the unused portion of the benefits in an account that can grow for the next time around.

Are unemployment benefits the same as welfare?

Conservatives and Democrats will give you a different answer.

Afrocity is on the fence.  My mother went from one form of government assistance to another. The scales tipped more in favor of welfare but once in 1979, she worked for the “city” as a desk clerk.  When she was subsequently laid off, she received unemployment.  Unsurprisingly, I felt more legitimate when she was on unemployment.  The check was larger- $625 as opposed to the paltry $225 we received on welfare.  Unemployment also meant my mother had at one time actually had a job.

We were not on unemployment for 99 weeks…It was more like 20 weeks. I believe it ran out then mom made the transition back to the welfare boat.  It would be 15 years before she looked for work again.

But getting back to my actual question of is unemployment welfare and are the Republicans being meanie weanies for cutting it off at 99 weeks and before you answer– do you know how long 99 weeks is?

99 weeks =1.89737112 years

That is a long time to be unemployed.

That is a long time to create 99 problems.

Whole Foods-  November 15, 2010.

Afrocity is standing in the grocery line chastising herself for once again succumbing to the lure of organic produce and wholesome pumpkin flavored ice cream at $5.99 (on sale) for a 1/4 of a pint.   The woman in front of me spread her grocery selections on the checkout conveyor belt . Aloe Vera Juice at 8$, green tea rice $5 a bag, venison,  apple hickory duck sausage.  The total bill came to $254 and she paid with a foodstamp card.   Suddenly my guilt melted away. No longer did the $5.99 ice cream seem so bad, or my fennel bulbs, or horseradish cheese spread. My bill was around $57 and I paid with my own hard earned cash.  That woman was eating better than I was and using my tax dollars to do it.   Does this woman have 99 problems?

Michigan Avenue- Chicago, Il- December 4, 2010

Crate and Barrel had a 20% off all Christmas ornament sale.  I needed a topper for my tree. Instead of being greeted at the door by carolers, I was greeted  by protesters of extending the Bush tax cuts to evil rich people who make over $250K- You know like the small business owner- a woman recently widowed, who runs a small chain of mom and pop knitting shop in Chicago’s fabric district. She has lots of medical bills to pay from her husband’s Hospice care and cancer treatments.  Two kids in college too.  Does this woman have 99 problems?

She is a woman and the tax cuts are not bad for her but apparently NOW thinks so because she has a vagina .  Oh I forgot to add that NOW would have no problem with her being called a whore or a cunt-especially when they know that she makes over $250K.

Does NOW have 99 problems?

All throughout the year, Michelle Obama, eats lobster, wears $500 tennis shoes…  She has even released her favorite things list- Just like Oprah.  Too bad the average American cannot afford most of it.

Does Michelle Obama have 99 problems?

You see everyone has 99 problems and a bitch ain’t one of them but I can certainly tell you who is…

Autographed Letter Signed,


Harvard economics professor and former Bush administration official Greg Mankiw has a post up about whether to extend unemployment insurance:

when I hear economists advocate the extension of UI to 99 weeks, I am tempted to ask, would you also favor a further extension to 199 weeks, or 299 weeks, or 1099 weeks? If 99 weeks is better than 26 weeks, but 199 is too much, how do you know?….

I should note, by the way, that economists who strongly favor the extension of UI benefits, such as those who signed this letter, also tend to favor more income redistribution in general. I suspect, therefore, that the foundation of their support comes not from having weighed the specific pros and cons of UI per se, but rather from a more general desire to “spread the wealth around.” That issue is, as I tell my students, more a matter of political philosophy than it is of economics.

One of Professor Mankiw’s objections — that extending unemployment insurance “reduces the job search efforts of the unemployed” — could be addressed in part by turning unemployment into something more like a health savings account, where if an individual gets a job before the benefits expire the individual gets to somehow keep the unused portion of the benefits in an account that can grow for the next time around.


Catty Corner: How Liberal Women Get Skin In The Game November 17, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — afrocity @ 11:03 AM
Tags: , ,

Can someone please tell me why Tina Fey cannot seem to keep Sarah Palin’s name out of her mouth?  Could it be because she is desperately in need of attention despite having 30 Rock be a hit?  Could it be that she needs a personality?

After all if you Google “Tina Fey” and look for images, all you will mostly find is Tina’s bony ass posing in provocative tiny leg showing outfits.  Obviously, Tina really wants you to dog ear every page of a magazine she appears in. ” Wow, that Tina Fey is funny and sexy” she wants you to say.   However, we seem to have an epic fail here because all I see when

I look at Tina Fey is a confident-less woman who feels physically unattractive and uninteresting so she needs to bare as much skin as she can in every magazine and attempt to ridicule a woman (Sarah Palin)  over and over and over and over and over and over and over again, so she be the cool girl on the block.

It is also an amusing irony that Ms. Fey authored the screenplay Mean Girls.  Obviously something she knows a lot about.  We all remember mean girls in our lives.  One of mine was named “Ronetta”.  She was a heartless bitch who lived most of her high school life in the principals office.  She dressed well, wore too much make-up but didn’t we all at that age???

Some were more forgiving of Ronetta slathering deep red lipstick on her huge square shaped lips than she was forgiving of myself and other girls doing nothing besides going to class and breathing.   A rare exception it was indeed for Ronetta to pass me in the hallway and not roll her eyes.  This girl was a junior mind you and I was  a peasant freshman- why did she care about me?   The worse day came during 8th period study hall which was held in the school lunchroom.    Innocently, I was sitting with a friend talking about boys, Duran Duran- not studying- who did in study hall?

You could hear Ronetta and her band of assholes in the background- loud cackling- sitting on the lunch tables – not at them.

“Why are they so loud?”  my friend asked.

“You mean why are black people so loud?”  I asked back jokingly.

Nodding, my friend replied “I so wanted to say that.”

Further Example of Catty Liberal

I just shrugged my shoulders and shook my head.   Somehow Ronetta’s evil radar picked up on us and she started in on me.

“Look at that bitch over there with the purple eyeshadow.”

Suddenly everything was quiet as Ronetta’s lackeys obeyed the queen bee and hum buzzed to my table.

I would be lying if I said I was not afraid.  I would be lying even more if I said I did not want to be invisible.

“This heifer looks like Nancy Reagan with the eyeshadow.”

Laughter erupted throughout the lunchroom, rivaling the sound of Mount Saint Helen.

“Look at her fizzy wuzzy nappy ass hair.”

By now you are asking Afrocity “what did you do?”.

The answer is – nothing.

Because my mother always taught me to ignore bullies, I usually just walked away from threatening situations .  In this case, I could not. I sat there without a hall pass to escape.   The bell literally saved me as the bitch crew scurried off to their next adventure of  wreaking  torment.

That day would go down as one of the worst in my high school history.  Today, I would not handle it that way.   A transformation came over me in college.  I developed a “back off gene”.   What happened to my mean girl?   I have only seen a picture of her but she still slathers red lipstick over her ugly square lips and looks FAT.

Mean girls may turn into mean women but inside there is still a whiny person screaming for attention at the expense of someone else.

Not all women follow the path of liberalism.  To Tina Fey and other liberal loudmouths like Rosie O’Donnell and Joy Behar, that is a sin against women.   Gee Rosie and Joy,  what disconnected names for two women who are so obnoxious.

Sadly, Tina actually got slight applause before she ruined her gratitude to Sarah with her further comments. What a missed opportunity of true grace and class.  Tina could have stood up for all women.

But I suppose she feels that Jerry Brown beating Meg Whitman was good for all women because Meg was a whore.  Or that Sarah Palin losing in 2008 was good for all women because she was a cunt.  Obama is good for all women because he calls us “sweetie”.

From I own the World

Much has been made of PBS cutting some of her speech, which I find ironic because had she been a conservative woman, Anderson Cooper would have no problem with cutting off her head let alone a speech  How dare you deprive everyone of the full experience of Tina’s anti-Palin rant?  Palin is like Marilyn Monroe to these women but what makes them hate her more is that Sarah ain’t no candle in the wind.

This is all pretty pathetic but not as pathetic as Tina Fey.  Her behavior actually further dumbs her down and really only makes her look like someone who owes her fame to a woman that she agrees on nothing with.  Hmmm,  now if I disliked a person so much why would I give them so much importance in my life?

Tina was your career nothing before Sarah Palin came along?

Sarah and her 5 million viewers want to know, and like you Tina- your material is getting OLD.  Time to find another target- one who gives a damn.  Wasn’t there a moment when Tina said that she was glad McCain lost the election so she would not have to “play” Sarah again???


Well Tina, America helped you “be done playing this woman”…Now what is your excuse.

Just pathetic mean girl with nothing else to do with her life?

Autographed Letter Signed,



Thanking Our Veterans November 11, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — afrocity @ 12:45 PM

Taking the time today to thank every man and woman who has served our country through the military is something we all should attempt. On my side this includes my brother and three of my uncles.  We should respect and admire their service, regardless of whether or not we agree with the circumstances under which they served. My uncles were in the Koren War.  My brother was in during the Gulf War. It is not really their duty to question why they are where they are.  They just do.

The military was never something that Afrocity was born for.  I thought about it once and even took the test after college- had a recruit officer come to my apartment.  He gave me an aptitude test on his laptop. I did well but I never made the next step.  He called to ask what was the problem and I told him I suspected that I would be worse than Private Benjamin.  Trying to diminish my hesitancy, the recruit officer had a “female officer” contact me.  She explained that she was 5 feet tall and 99 pounds- which was smaller than I.    Still Afrocity chickened out and went to graduate school instead.    Fatigues and nights in the trench would not agree with my personal aesthetic.

Why was I considering the Army anyway?  I asked myself that question and realized no matter what my justifications were, it would not be for the right reasons.  Frankly, it was for the free room and board and the benefits a soldier received when she  gets out. What was 4 years?  After all somethings last longer than that right?   Graduate school costs were skyrocketing and I already had debt from undergraduate days.  Serve your country and take the money and run..

However, I knew that my heart would not be in it.   I knew that I was coward and could not endure boot camp, or waking up at Oh-five-hundred hours.

So I did not enlist and I did it for America.

Aren’t you glad that I loved my country enough not to give it the awful gift of Afrocity in the service?

For those who did serve through the military, thank you. Thank you for keeping us safe and sacrificing your time and personal lives for Americans. You veterans are more of a man or woman than I will ever be.

God Bless.

Autographed Letter Signed,



America: A Long Cool Woman in a Red Dress November 3, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — afrocity @ 7:15 AM

This is like Christmas morning where you received some of the gifts you wanted and some that you did not want.

Congratulations to the Republicans for winning back the house and sending the Wicked Witch of the West Coast Pelosi packing as Speaker of the House.

Congratulations to Mark Kirk (R-IL) for beating Obama basketball bank fraud mobster buddy Alexi Giannoulias.  We still do not have a governor.  Quinn (D-IL) is beating Bill Brady (R-IL) by 8,000 votes and it hinged on “Crook ” County. We will have a recount I am sure. Brady won nearly every county but Cook. Remember Brady was impeached Blago’s replacement.

Congratulations to Allen West (R-FL)  a new African American Republican man in Congress. Allen is terrific.

His victory speech.

Incidentally, this was a inside joke among us conservatives on Facebook:

The awful Racist Teabaggers Elect Allen West (African American), Nikki Haley (Eastern Indian), Tim Scott (African American) & Marco Rubio (Cuban American).

And look no African American in the U.S. Senate… Understand this black people. Until African Americans start becoming more centrist or conservative, they will only win House races which are more localized.

I have lots of thoughts going through my head but I am low on sleep.  Geeze California.  I understand that you are a liberal state but did you have to elect a has-been boyfriend from your past life as a hippy Helter Skelter youthful days whose campaign called your opponent a whore?  Did the women of California actually vote for a man that laughed at mammograms and once made the quotes:

The real solution to racial problems was for “the white boys to teach black boys how to read and for black boys to teach white boys how to fight.” -Jerry Brown

More women should be in the home, taking care of their children. Then we’d have fewer social problems.”– Jerry Brown

California are you kidding me???

My real heroes are Wisconsin for ousting Feingold (D-WI) and Ohio for electing Kasich (R-OH).  I love Mark Rubio(R-FL) too. Ha ha Christ !!!

Ha ha Obama and the rap singer Common did not even help Giannoulias.  Guess the lobster and arugula was not enough.

Good job conservatives.  I am proud.

Autographed Letter Signed,



Put On Your Big Girl Panties and Vote !!!! November 2, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — afrocity @ 4:31 PM

I did my part today you do yours!!!!

Republican, Democrat, Green Party, Libertarian-  get out and vote woman!!!



Sunday Soliloquy: Ghost Dance October 31, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — afrocity @ 1:28 PM
Tags: ,

Having proved that my intentions to blog more often have failed- let me apologize.  October was a rough month for dear Afrocity.   I had surgery during late September and tons of things to do for my various income paying projects.

Many of you have asked, “What happened to Sunday Soliloquy?” .   Well to put it bluntly, I seem to be in a denial stage (again) with my mother’s death.   I know, I know it will be four years in 2011- this should be an old hat for me now.  Writing about our life together is sometimes not an easy thing.

Sunday Soliloquy takes a lot out of me emotionally.

Not only does it involve drudging my mother up from the ashes, it also brings unpleasant memories often of being hungry, homeless, or just plain feeling vulnerable.

Perhaps this sudden avoidance is a natural progression with the grieving process. Remember, I never saw my mother dead.  There is no ghost of spirit bereft flesh for me to contend with.  They would not let me see her body or the pictures they took when they found her.  She was so far gone that I had to take a DNA test just to prove she was my mother.  A DNA test which took 12 weeks for them to process.  Without proof seen with my own eyes, there was no death.   Just a phone call one night from a strange woman with a Texas twang.

“…maybe you should sit down honey, I have some terrible news…”

There is nothing more denial friendly than an AWOL corpse.  Though mother showed up in my mailbox later as a box of carefully wrapped ashes,  it never computed.  They were placed in my credenza like some relic- a gift that I hated from a relative who knew nothing of my taste.  The bad Christmas sweater or hideous art work that you hid in the closet.

Now I trawl the streets of Chicago, dealing with ghosts.

Where was I going with this?  Oh, it is Halloween.

Mother and I liked this holiday because during our lean years it meant free food- if candy can be considered a food group.  There was a sense of improvisation with my costumes. An old dress, glitter paint, and make shift angle wings cut from cardboard boxes and covered in Reynolds aluminum foil transformed me into a fairy princess.

Other more middle-class endowed kids would have store bought costumes- which I wanted but mother insisted on making mine- plus the money was not there.

In 1980,  I was taking dance lessons at a local studio.  Often, I  was late because mother would never pick me up from school to get there in time.  This lead to awkward moments where I tip toed into class – the only African American girl in the entire school mind you (sure I was not noticeable) , wearing something that mother thought was proper dance class attire…Like a Underoos for a leotard.  My teacher would shake her head at me and I fell into line with the rest of the girls who were laughing at me.

Given that this dance class was mother’s idea, she sure made it her business not to be involved in aspect of it besides registering me.  She never reminded me to practice but the studio never forgot that she had not paid the bill.  Part of the embarrassment, was at the end of class when the teacher would call my name to stay after and that folded up white piece of paper would get stuck in my  hand.

“Afrocity, give this to your mother,” she would say with a fake reassuring smile.  “And next time practice the steps at home.”

I nodded and made my swift exit into what I would call the bitches with perfect blond ponytail zone- the dance studio locker room.  Their leotards were perfect- all from Dansko.  Ballet shoes from Capezio,  personality by WASP.  Their treatment of me was dictated in large measure by what I did wrong in class.  On this Halloween Eve which was a Thursday,  Afrocity had done a lot of things wrong.   Dancing was not my strong suit.  Coordination was not a gift- feet went left when they should go straight, my timing sucked.

“I thought all black people could dance,”  said Ponytailed Bitch #1.  “What happened to you?”

My reaction, which was to ignore her, served more or less as an admission of guilt.  I did not know why I could not dance like the other black kids- especially my cousin.  Cousin could imitate any move on Soul Train. Afrocity, well I stuck with the books.  Rythmless creature that I was,  I am sure the other girls in the class grew tired of teacher having to stop just so she could come to the back and correct my posture or pose.

“What are you going to be for Halloween?”  asked  Ponytailed Bitch #2.  “Two left feet???”

A massive need to bolt welled up in me but I just laughed with them and changed into my jeans while looking down at the floor.  Halloween was the next day and I bet they would have ponytailed bitch perfect costumes.  I would be the Fairy Princess of Welfare or what ever mother was planning.  I had the Old Salvation Army puffy long Glenda the Good Witch dress, aluminum foil wings (not sure how she is going to attach those),  a crown from Burger King happy meal type box, all I needed was some shoes.   And this is where the ponytail bitches ridicule of me came in handy.  As I was looking down at the floor I notice a box of dance shoes. Ballet slippers, tap dancing shoes, pink shoes, red shoes…

The huge cardboard box must have been either some sort of lost and found or discards.   As my eyes, tore through what I could see in the box, there was a pink satin ribbon sticking out- like the kind on those really beautiful ballet slippers that they wear in the advanced class. Not the leather slippers with the shoe toe bow, but real princess ballet slippers.  I wanted those shoes for my costume. Eyes directly focused, the shoes were about may one third of the way into the box.   A less greedy and more conscientious Afrocity realized that I would have to wait until the locker room was empty to go through the box without appearing to be an urchin.  With Ponytailed Bitches primping and giggling this could take hours- and it did.   I endured about 4 more racist like insults, including one where I was asked why do black people have Brillo Pad like hair.  This was said as Ponytailed Bitch #3 was brushing her shiny tresses much like Marsha Brady in one of those Jan envy episodes.

“Can a brush even get through you guys hair?” asked Ponytailed Bitch number #1 .

“Yeah I mean lookit,” Ponytailed Bitch number #3 said coming at me with her brush.

I backed away from them. Why didn’t they just leave?

Thankfully another Ponytailed Bitch stuck her head in the locker room door and yelled “Hey guys if you want a ride it is my dad’s weekend to have me and he is outside. He has a bigger car than my mom so…”

Alone at last. The Ponytailed Bitches grabbed their Pert shampoo, Aquanet, Phisoderm,  and other Seventeen Magazine shit and left me in the room with the box of shoes.

Quickly, I went to the box and pulled on the pink satin ribbon until the shoe emerged. Oh, please be my size, please be my size.  Stuck my foot in…they were a bit big but I could stuff them with paper towels.

Digging for its mate, was a bit more challenging.

This box was about up to my waist.  I was nearly head first, feet up in the air in the box when of all people my teacher walks in the locker room.  The ability to see her upside down was not uncommon because I was always falling in class anyway.

She was tiny about 4’11, blond, lithe.  A blue towel was wrapped around her neck.  She was sweating and flushed, her skin pink and freckled against the black leotard.

“Did you drop something in the shoe box?” she asked as she went to her locker.

By this time I was upright and out of the box.  I still had the one slipper on the floor.  “Ummm I am looking for my other shoe.”  I lied.

“Oh? I did not know you took ballet classes too,”  she said changing into sweat pants. “I thought your mom just put you in the modern jazz class.”

My lip began to twitch.  What do I say no?  “I have not started yet but I am practicing early.”

“Oh, I see you are practicing for the class that you have not had yet you cannot seem to practice for my class?”

My head went back to the floor.

“Do you not like jazz dance?” she asked coming closer to me. “Do you prefer ballet because many girls often do because of the pretty clothes and shoes and pink tutu, ponytails…”

Silence was my answer.

“Hmmm, ” she nodded “You know Modern Jazz Dance class  is more in step with your culture. Ben Vereen  does it do you know him?”

I swallowed a lump… “Yes, he was Chicken George on Roots.”

“Very good Afrocity but he also is a great black dancer and was in Pippin- a musical. Have you seen Pippin?”

I shook my head.  “I know what it is.  We cannot afford to go.”

“That is too bad because Mr. Vereen is a great black Modern Jazz dancer.”

“I like your class,” I mumbled stupidly.  Gee that was insincere. I hated the class but mom wanted me the. Teacher was right, I would rather be in ballet but face it ballet was a very white class.  The costumes were more expensive and my hair was not Ponytailed Bitch compliant.

Teacher closed her locker and towards the door to leave.  Dumb me was still there at the shoe box.  Beyond the lockers was a window. I could see that it was dark outside.  Suddenly I missed the daylight until 8PM days of summer. All of this shoe business was making me late. Mom was probably wondering where I was and since we had no phone, I could not call her to say why I was delayed.

“Afrocity,”  she said flinging her knapsack over er shoulder ” If you promise to practice, I promise to bring you my album of Pippin to listen to at home.  You may borrow it…okay?”

The  necessity to say no was there and valid I did not own a record player. Mother had pawned ours for $13 dollars so we could eat.  I lied again . “Okay,”  I nodded.  “I promise to practice.”

“Good,”  finally teacher was opening the door to leave. “And don’t forget to ask your mom about Ben Vereen.  I am sure she knows all about him.  There is a reason why she chose the jazz class for you and there are so few black kids that can afford to take classes-  tell you mother than we can work something out with that letter I gave you to give to her.”

I nodded again.

“Do you have a ride home?  Is someone picking you up?  It is nearly 7 o’clock.”

I lied again,  My mom is coming she had to work late. She will be here soon.”    My mother was on welfare and she was not coming to get me.  I was going to walk the 15 blocks home.

“Okay, you sure?”

I nodded again.

“I will see you next Thursday on time,” she stressed that last sentence. ” Practice makes perfect and we have a deal now. Imagine yourself tall and elegant.  See you next time.”

“Okay.”   I lied again.  Never would I step foot in that dance studio.   That was the last time I saw the teacher.  I would not listen to Pippin or be late or practice or receive another past due bill.

In the midst of all the humiliation, there was still the matter of the satin ballet slippers that I needed for my perfect fairy princess Halloween costume.  With a  vengeance, I decided to dump the entire box and find the mate.   Dirty shoes, small shoes, black shoes, white, pink…Ah there was the mate all smooth and perfect.

My inner thief, concealed the slippers in my book satchel and was almost about to cover my tracks when the cleaning lady came in.  She was African American,  and looked pissed off …with reason.  “What the heck happened with all of these shoes on the floor?”   She looked at me.   “Did you do this?”

I shook my head and ran past her through the door into the autumn Oak Park, Illinois night.   My jacket was flimsy and I was wearing Underoos and tights.

The suburban neighborhood had put great effort into making its homes look scary for Halloween.  Jack-o-lanterns on every porch step,   brown paper bags with tealight candles lining the walkways.  The rustling leaves were in step with my running legs.   I ran the entire way home back to my apartment complex, avoiding any single man I saw walking down the street.   This practice of knowing the well lit shortcuts was an art, no one would abduct me and I had special powers to ward off lurking pedophiles because of my new stolen slippers.

Once I was home, mother seem not to care that it was nearly 8PM.   In fact, she did not bother to come out of the bedroom when I entered the apartment.

I put down my satchel and took out the ballet slippers, placing them next to the fluffy dress and box of aluminum foil for my fairy costume.

Dinner was absent from the kitchen.  I opened the cupboard and all there was in that empty space was soup.   I took out the Cream of Mushroom Campbell’s , got a pot and dumped the globby contents in.

“Add water to it.”   Mother instructed. It was alive.

I put tap water into the empty can, poured it into the pot,  stirring slowly.

Mother went into the living room.  I could hear her rustling through my bag.  “Someone had a party at school,” she said.

She was referring to the candy in my bag and popcorn balls from the class party.  I was so hungry that I had stood at the stove top eating the soup from the pot before it had heated fully.


Could not answer her because my mouth was full of soup.  Her footsteps came to the kitchen.

“Where did you get these?” she asked holding the ballet slippers by the satin ties.

Here came my ten millionth lie of the evening “I just found them on the street by the school…I tried to turn them in but my teacher told me to just keep them.  I thought maybe I could wear them tomorrow with my costume that you are working on…”

For a moment I think she knew I was lying. She looked suspicious of me.  Later I would learn that she had been derelict in her duties of aluminum foiled wing making.   “Well lucky you.  That was an easy find. “

I shrugged my shoulders, “Easy find”

She looked at the shoes closely ” Someone must be missing these.  Oh well, God knew that you needed the perfect shoes to be a fairy princess for Halloween- the Lord will provide”

I nodded. I lied.

“The other girls will be so jealous of you,” she said.

I nodded.  I lied.

Autographed Letter Signed,



The Adventures of Done Juan October 21, 2010

From Fred

I knew it. I knew it. I knew it.

It was a normal Fox News Night.  O’Reilly was reveling in his triumphant appearance on The View. The rabid liberals ummm, I mean hostesses  Joy Behar and Whoopi Goldberg walked out on Bill-O and left Barbabra Walters sitting there on the couch- stunned.

It was a good talking points night for O’Reilly Factor…I wonder if Bill new that the evening would lead to liberals walking out on another Fox kid.

From the Atlantic

Juan Williams Fired by NPR For No Particular Reason (UPDATED)

By Jeffrey Goldberg

October 21, 2010

National Public Radio has fired the political analyst Juan Williams for comments he made about Muslims on Bill O’Reilly’s Fox show. These are two of the controversial comments in question, according to The New York Times:

‘I mean, look, Bill, I’m not a bigot. You know the kind of books I’ve written about the civil rights movement in this country. But when I get on the plane, I got to tell you, if I see people who are in Muslim garb and I think, you know, they are identifying themselves first and foremost as Muslims, I get worried. I get nervous.”

And this, in reference to Faisal Shahzad, the Pakistani immigrant who attempted to blow up Times Square with a car bomb:

“He said the war with Muslims, America’s war is just beginning, first drop of blood. I don’t think there’s any way to get away from these facts.”

The first quotation reflects the views, I’m guessing, of the vast majority of people who fly in this country (and in Europe and Asia and other parts of the world, as well). With some regularity, Muslim men associated with radical Islamist organizations have been trying to kill American civilians, here and abroad. A group of 19 Muslim men succeeded beyond their wildest dreams in their mission nine years ago. The majority of Muslims abhor terrorism, and Muslims are the disproportionate victims of Muslim terror, but the essential truth remains that most of the world’s spectacular terrorism today — thwarted and achieved — is committed by Muslims. Juan Williams misunderstands one crucial fact: Muslim terrorists who are attempting to commit acts of terror seldom if ever dress in “Muslim garb”; they dress, for obvious tactical reasons, in a manner meant to help them blend in with surroundings. So Williams is wrong, I think, to be particularly suspicious of traditionally-dressed Muslims. But is he wrong to worry about Islamist terrorism? Of course not.

Here is the actual clip:

I was there watching while eating dinner and I almost choked on my pasta and had to do a double take.

“Did he just say what I think he said?”  I asked.  “Not Juan…Juan????”

I laughed and looked for a reaction from Bill-O. There was not much of one but I sensed a tinge of WTF?


RACIST!!!!In the current climate of hyper-PC-ness, you just don't say that sort of thing. I knew there would be repercussions for Juan's statement.

Was Juan’s  statement racist?

Yes-somewhat.  Prejudging is racist.  Juan’s statement is equivalent to saying that you lock your car doors whenever you drive through a black neighborhood.  Was I surprised that it was coming from Fox News’ small reserve stash of liberals?  Yes, but I am not surprised.  Few liberals will admit that they feel the same way as Juan Williams does when he sees someone in “Muslim garb” board a 767- but they do.  Few liberals will admit that they voted for Obama because he was black- but they did.  And even fewer liberals will admit that they are racist- but they are.

But “racists are only Tea Partiers ” you say?

Nope.  And thank you Juan Williams for proving that.

Autographed Letter Signed,



Never Give A Democrat A Cookie…Or Pie…Or Lobster October 19, 2010

Remember this quote from Michelle Obama back during the 2008 campaign days?

The truth is, in order to get things like universal health care and a revamped education system, then someone is going to have to give up a piece of their pie so that someone else can have more.

—Michelle Obama

But Michelle never really gave up her $500 Lanvin tennis shoes, or trips to Spain for lobster fest …

I did and here is my story…

Sunday, I went grocery shopping as usual. Campbell’s soup was 10 cans for 10$, so I got some of those.  Brownberry bread was buy one get one free with my shoppers card.  I passed my favorite Sugar Wafer cookies by Nabisco- eek $4.99.  I went on by.  At the deli stand I requested Swiss cheese, smoked turkey and “Old Fashioned Loaf” meat.

While rolling by the seafood stand I espied two gorgeous large lobster tails.  There was a sale sign that said $5.99 each.  My eyes blinked in disbelief.   Scallops were nearby and they were beauties also.  Being economical, I asked for some salmon fillets.  The seafood clerk wrapped my fillets in the familiar white butcher paper and slapped the price tag on.   I had hardly noticed his outstretched hand because I was still gazing at the lobster tails.

“Miss,” he said waving the salmon.  “Is that all?”

I shook off my lobster lust and nodded my head grabbing the package of salmon.

The next stop was the meat counter for beef stew meat and a few steaks.  Surf and Turf was calling my name.  Still had a bit of gas in the grill- this could be the last hurrah so to speak for grilling season.  Okay, okay, okay…I will get the lobster tails.  My cart did a 90 degree turn and I smiled widely and told the seafood clerk ”  I have decided to get those lobster tails.”

I pointed to the only two lobster tails in the display case.  “Those,”  I claimed, chest sticking out like a peacock.   Afrocity gonna feast on some lobster TONIGHT!!!

The melted butter and lemon smell was aromatically playing over and over in my head.  My little treat for me too bad mother is dead- well not that it mattered- she was allergic to shellfish anyway.   Baked potatoes would be a great pairing- get in my Michelle Obama veggies-

“Forty-five dollars .”

And I could maybe invite my dad over to share or eat both tails my- ” HUH?”

“Forty-five dollars.”

NO!!!!  I looked at the sale sign and pointed ” It says lobster tails  $5.99 each -“

The seafood man came around the counter and laughed. ” Oh, that. That sale is for the small tails.  I am out of those.”

I must have looked like someone just told me Christmas was canceled because the poor man shrugged his shoulders and looked guilty.  ” The tails you pointed out are large tails, they are like twenty something each…”

I walked away from the counter.

“You don’t still want these? I wrapped them-“

With a grinch snarl, I shook my head and made a speedy getaway with my shopping cart. How embarrassing.  For a moment I thought just spend the $45.  If I put back the vanity light bulbs, fancy ravioli, Welch’s pomegranate blueberry juice with added fiber, Patsy’s Pasta Sauce, $4.99 Vanilla Chai Protein drink…the ten cans of soup- then maybe I could have the lobster tails.  And what does that counter seafood guy think of my race now?

“Cheap black people always want something for nothing.”

Maybe I should buy the tails just to prove that African American can afford lobster.

You see, even Afrocity succumbs to racial brainwashing at times.

When all was debated in my head and done, I did not buy the lobster tails and had stuffed chicken breasts for dinner.

Not as appetizing as surf and turf but with the recession, I could not justify paying so much for a meal for lil’ ol me.

We all need to start making some changes to how our families eat. Now, everyone loves a good Sunday dinner. Me included. And there’s nothing wrong with that. The problem is when we eat Sunday dinner Monday through Saturday.

–Michelle Obama

Yes my thermostat was set to 75 degrees and Barry Obama would not like that either.

We can’t drive our SUVs and, you know, eat as much as we want and keep our homes on, you know, 72 degrees at all times, whether we’re living in the desert or we’re living in the tundra, and then just expect every other country is going to say OK, you know, you guys go ahead keep on using 25 percent of the world’s energy, even though you only account for 3 percent of the population, and we’ll be fine. Don’t worry about us. That’s not leadership.

~~ Barack Obama

So I did not give up my piece of the pie.  I am selfish but turning my back on the lobster tails was a start…wasn’t it?

Anyway, this humorous video by RightChange explains why you should never give your piece of the pie or a cookie to a Democrat.

Autographed Letter Signed,




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